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I'm embarrassed for us as a free society that we actually want people punished for saying things we don't like.
Jim Norton
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Jim Norton
Age: 65
Born: 1959
Born: May 17
Comedian
Sports Commentator
Charlotte
North Carolina
Society
Actually
Free
Things
Like
People
Punished
Embarrassed
Saying
More quotes by Jim Norton
I couldn't get laid with a sitcom and a rifle.
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They don't tend to feature the kind of vaginas I like in adult films. I tend to like a thick, heavy pussy - the kind of pussy that looks like it just smoked an exploding cartoon cigar.
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I don't pull out because... it's not my problem.
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There's a trench coat and a tragedy in your future.
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No periods. If you sneeze, the carpet's ruined.
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Get a in clothes dryer with Magic Johnson and some razorblades.
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Why is comedy the only form of the arts where people think they have to agree with or approve the content? You don't walk through a museum with a towel and throw it over paintings you don't like.
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I hope you slip in a puddle of AIDS and crack your head open
Jim Norton
You 50 year old one-breasted bag of meat. Just hang it up and be grateful some of your friends are still living.
Jim Norton
For the record, I hate skiing... and if you get killed doing it, GOOD.
Jim Norton
People are just self-centered-it's all about them. And we're telling people it's okay to be 'all about you' because you're a victim and it's not your fault. That's why society has gotten more and more belligerent and selfish.
Jim Norton
The funniest people I know always seem to be the ones surrounded by darkness. And that’s probably why they’re the funniest. The deeper the pit, the more humor you need to dig yourself out of it.
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That looks like something out of the dumpster of planned parenthood.
Jim Norton
I hope you have a miscarriage on a Walmart floor and have the baby's room already decorated.
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God, I hope he dies the night before one of his kids get married.
Jim Norton
I should call myself four market Norton. I'm great in Boston and Cleveland. I do good in Phillie, New Jersey.
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Apologies our cultural obsession with them isn't about actually being offended, or simply needing to hear, “I'm sorry.” It's not really about right or wrong. It's about wanting to throw a rock in the dark and hear something break.
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You look like a diabetic strip club owner.
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Two men spit in their hands, help each other out, then laugh about it later. Just to be silly.
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That's an interesting accent you got there. Are you from stroke-victim?
Jim Norton