Quote

What's the name of the birth defect you have, trampled by a horse during the 2nd trimester?

Jim Norton

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Jim Norton
Age: 65
Born: 1959
Born: May 17
Comedian
Sports Commentator
Charlotte
North Carolina
Horse
Birth
Humor
Comedy
Name
Trimester
Names
Trampled
Funny
Defect
Defects

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God, I hope he dies the night before one of his kids get married.
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Apologies our cultural obsession with them isn't about actually being offended, or simply needing to hear, “I'm sorry.” It's not really about right or wrong. It's about wanting to throw a rock in the dark and hear something break.
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For the record, I hate skiing... and if you get killed doing it, GOOD.
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I hope you have a miscarriage on a Walmart floor and have the baby's room already decorated.
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Get a in clothes dryer with Magic Johnson and some razorblades.
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I hope you slip in a puddle of AIDS and crack your head open
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I couldn't get laid with a sitcom and a rifle.
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Two men spit in their hands, help each other out, then laugh about it later. Just to be silly.
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While There may be power in forgiveness, there is even more power in lobbing a Molotov cocktail through someone's dining room window.
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What a coincidence, they both go to College and I'm a rapist!
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You 50 year old one-breasted bag of meat. Just hang it up and be grateful some of your friends are still living.
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My whole existence is spent just trying to not shove bad food in my fat face. It's like a constant struggle. I'll do really good for a while, and then I do bad, then I do really good.
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I should call myself four market Norton. I'm great in Boston and Cleveland. I do good in Phillie, New Jersey.
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That's an interesting accent you got there. Are you from stroke-victim?
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You look like a diabetic strip club owner.
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Why is comedy the only form of the arts where people think they have to agree with or approve the content? You don't walk through a museum with a towel and throw it over paintings you don't like.
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They don't tend to feature the kind of vaginas I like in adult films. I tend to like a thick, heavy pussy - the kind of pussy that looks like it just smoked an exploding cartoon cigar.
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People are just self-centered-it's all about them. And we're telling people it's okay to be 'all about you' because you're a victim and it's not your fault. That's why society has gotten more and more belligerent and selfish.
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The funniest people I know always seem to be the ones surrounded by darkness. And that’s probably why they’re the funniest. The deeper the pit, the more humor you need to dig yourself out of it.
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