Quote

What's the name of the birth defect you have, trampled by a horse during the 2nd trimester?

Jim Norton

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Jim Norton
Age: 65
Born: 1959
Born: May 17
Comedian
Sports Commentator
Charlotte
North Carolina
Humor
Comedy
Name
Trimester
Names
Trampled
Funny
Defect
Defects
Horse
Birth

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You 50 year old one-breasted bag of meat. Just hang it up and be grateful some of your friends are still living.
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I hope you have a miscarriage on a Walmart floor and have the baby's room already decorated.
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No periods. If you sneeze, the carpet's ruined.
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For the record, I hate skiing... and if you get killed doing it, GOOD.
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My job is to express who I am and what I hate about the country and what I love about it and what I hate about myself and what I love about myself and to make you laugh while I'm doing it.
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That looks like something out of the dumpster of planned parenthood.
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Two men spit in their hands, help each other out, then laugh about it later. Just to be silly.
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I couldn't get laid with a sitcom and a rifle.
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What a coincidence, they both go to College and I'm a rapist!
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Apologies our cultural obsession with them isn't about actually being offended, or simply needing to hear, “I'm sorry.” It's not really about right or wrong. It's about wanting to throw a rock in the dark and hear something break.
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I don't pull out because... it's not my problem.
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I hope you slip in a puddle of AIDS and crack your head open
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While There may be power in forgiveness, there is even more power in lobbing a Molotov cocktail through someone's dining room window.
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There's a trench coat and a tragedy in your future.
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I'm embarrassed for us as a free society that we actually want people punished for saying things we don't like.
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My whole existence is spent just trying to not shove bad food in my fat face. It's like a constant struggle. I'll do really good for a while, and then I do bad, then I do really good.
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Why is comedy the only form of the arts where people think they have to agree with or approve the content? You don't walk through a museum with a towel and throw it over paintings you don't like.
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You look like a diabetic strip club owner.
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I should call myself four market Norton. I'm great in Boston and Cleveland. I do good in Phillie, New Jersey.
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The funniest people I know always seem to be the ones surrounded by darkness. And that’s probably why they’re the funniest. The deeper the pit, the more humor you need to dig yourself out of it.
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