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Thanksgiving is the most complicated meal you can think of. Every night, dinner is just pasta. It's just different shapes of pasta.
Jim Gaffigan
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Jim Gaffigan
Age: 58
Born: 1966
Born: July 7
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Elgin
Illinois
James Christopher Gaffigan
Think
Meal
Thinking
Meals
Dinner
Complicated
Shapes
Night
Different
Pasta
Every
Thanksgiving
More quotes by Jim Gaffigan
The appetizer is just an excuse for an extra meal. Let's see, I will start with the eighty buffalo wings.
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Once you put bacon into a salad it's no longer a salad, it just becomes a game of find the bacon in the lettuce. It's like you're panning for gold, hmmmmm, EUREKA!
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You could say that to the pope. I want to talk to you about Jesus. He'd be like, easy, freak.
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It's like in most parts of America, where there was industry and there is no longer there is cynicism mixed with sarcasm and some optimism. That's how my background influenced my comedy.
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You ever talk about a movie with someone that read the book? They're always so condescending. 'Ah, the book was much better than the movie.' Oh really? What I enjoyed about the movie: no reading.
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I'm not saying that McDonald's gift certificates caused the obesity epidemic, but in retrospect, the timing is kind of suspicious.
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Thanksgiving, you know - Thanksgiving - it's like we didn't even try to come up with a tradition. The tradition is we overeat.
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I do want everyone to feel comfortable. That's why I'd like to talk to you about Jesus.
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Babies should be classified as an antidepressant. It's pretty hard to be in a bad mood around a 5-month-old baby.
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There are a lot of good looking men on this planet. It seems like once a week someone will tell me, I know someone who looks like you and I don't know what say to them except, Tell them hi.
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This city has so many beautiful women. I fall in love like every ten minutes, I'm sitting on the subway, I'm like, There's my wife... there she is - oh, she's getting off. All right, there's the woman - all right, that's a man.
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I don't know if I'm the husky guy, but I'm the sexy guy who's a good kisser .
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I got up early because I wanted to. - Nobody
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I always imagine that if I met Dr. Seuss, he would be very similar to Crispin Glover.
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I don't want to be a TV star for the sake of being on TV. I want to have a TV show that's based around my comedy.
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I would say I'm - in the show, I'm a cultural Catholic, which is what I was.
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I smoke crack. I get all my dancers together and we do a prayer.
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I like that in my audiences, there's a lesbian couple sitting next to a Mormon family.
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A lot of the teachings really kind of keep me grounded.
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Why would a lazy guy become a parent of five? Then again, why would creative people who inherently don't like change and criticism become writers, actors, or comedians? There's something about this process. I joke about it: My kids have made me a better person, and I only need, like, 34 more of them to be a really good guy.
Jim Gaffigan
