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Thanksgiving is the most complicated meal you can think of. Every night, dinner is just pasta. It's just different shapes of pasta.
Jim Gaffigan
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Jim Gaffigan
Age: 58
Born: 1966
Born: July 7
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Elgin
Illinois
James Christopher Gaffigan
Complicated
Shapes
Night
Different
Pasta
Every
Thanksgiving
Think
Meal
Thinking
Meals
Dinner
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Why do you have to be out of town to write a postcard? I want a to write a postcard to my neighbor: I still live near you! The guy sees me go into my apartment, flips the card over, it's just a picture of me holding a rifle.
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Some people that work for Hot Pockets came to my Denver Paramount Theater show. They brought these hot pocket boxes the size of suit cases for me to sign. I wrote these are WMD's on the boxes. The HP people seem to have a good sense of humor about all of it.
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I had some jokes that were dirty. And some of it is when I started making appearances on Conan and Letterman back in the late '90s, I think. You had to remove the curse words, or you couldn't do some of the more explicit jokes.
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I married a woman who loves to camp, and I am what you would call indoorsy... My wife always brings up, Camping's a tradition in my family. Hey, it was a tradition in everyone's family 'til we came up with the house.
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Besides hot pockets keeps introducing new products every 10 minutes so I always have new stuff on the topic.
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Steakhouses sort of have this old-school nature to them they're like museums full of good food. It's fun hearing the waiter share his expertise on the different cuts of beef and how they're going to cut up your baked potato.
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I think comedians get too much credit or too much criticism for the style of comedy they do, and they generally do the style of comedy that works for them. [...] There's no kind of shrewd calculation going into the type of standup we all do. It's like David Cross is supposed to be doing the David Cross' type of standup.
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I know that Colbert could quote Thomas Aquinas and all this, but I'm somebody who, because it's a necessity for me on a personal basis. I need it because I'm a lunatic.
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There's something about being a parent that has, I think, made me a better comedian.
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Babies should be classified as an antidepressant. It's pretty hard to be in a bad mood around a 5-month-old baby.
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I think growing up in Indiana prepares anyone for a life in comedy. I do feel like there is a certain kind of self-effacing cynicism among all Hoosiers.
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Oh great, socks. You know I'm dying for your sins right? Yeah, but thanks for the socks! They'll go great with my sandals. What am I, German?
Jim Gaffigan
I never have free time, I don't know about you. You ever go to the cash machine, there's two people in line in front of you and you get kinda flustered, you're like Forget it! I'm not standing here for 40 seconds. I got things to do, okay?
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I'm much more interested in making people laugh than getting applause breaks.
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You could say that to the pope. I want to talk to you about Jesus. He'd be like, easy, freak.
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It took me a long time to understand not to get caught up in other people's expectations. It really comes down to creative fulfillment. It took me a while to realize I don't want to just be on a show to be on a show.
Jim Gaffigan
