Quote

Thanksgiving is the most complicated meal you can think of. Every night, dinner is just pasta. It's just different shapes of pasta.

Jim Gaffigan

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Jim Gaffigan
Age: 58
Born: 1966
Born: July 7
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Elgin
Illinois
James Christopher Gaffigan
Different
Pasta
Every
Thanksgiving
Think
Meal
Thinking
Meals
Dinner
Complicated
Shapes
Night

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I was always told that Hoosier came from when settlers in the state, when a stranger came on their property they'd say, Who's there? Who's there? So people that were from Indiana were the people that said Who's there? But what do I know? I don't read or interact with people outside the Internet.
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I'm bald, blind and pale. I'm like a gigantic recessive gene.
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There has been this belief among the Catholic community - and this - I'm no expert, this is my opinion - that cafeteria Catholics are wrong.
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I don't want to be a TV star for the sake of being on TV. I want to have a TV show that's based around my comedy.
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Once you identify yourself as believing something, you open yourself to ridicule.
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I didn't choose to be the guy who talks about the mundane - it's just who I am and it's what kind of works for me.
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I think I have a lot of voices in my head and I guess my inner critic is a female.
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I don't know about you, but when they first introduced bottled water, I thought it was so funny, I was like Bottled water! Haha, they're selling bottled water! ... I guess I'll try it. Ah, this is good, this is more watery than water. Yeah, this has got a water kick to it.
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How'd we come up with the robe? Was some guy just like, 'Hey, I've got an idea! Why don't we make a coat out of a towel? You can have a little belt that goes around. You could dunk the belt in the toilet! Have a toilet belt.'
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I believe that comedians do what they do, and then they get credit or criticism for doing it. There's nothing planned about this.
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How dumb do I think the Americans are? I bet you we could sell those idiots water.
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I always imagine that if I met Dr. Seuss, he would be very similar to Crispin Glover.
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Bacon is like the opposite of medicine. It's like, Take that, Lipitor.
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For me, stand-up comedy is a conversation between me and the audience. I have to keep them listening. When I'm making jokes about cake for twenty minutes, I have to make sure my audience is interested and following where I'm going.
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When I started stand-up - and this is in the '90s - there was definitely people hadn't watched decades of Comedy Central, where people are really much more educated on stand-up comedy.
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I try to only eat animals that are vegan. I'm probably the opposite of a vegan.
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Be more assertive with what you want to do.
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Faith is something that's - it's hard to articulate. It's - there's - it's not based on logic.
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Is there a homeless guy built in to the design of Dunkin' Donuts? ...There'll be an entrance here... a deranged lunatic here.
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