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Don't get caught up in other people's expectations. Don't take anything for granted, either.
Jim Gaffigan
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Jim Gaffigan
Age: 58
Born: 1966
Born: July 7
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Elgin
Illinois
James Christopher Gaffigan
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More quotes by Jim Gaffigan
I would say some of the food I talk about that I really enjoy, like cake and bacon, I eat a lot less than I portray in my act. But that stuff that I dislike, it's pretty sincere.
Jim Gaffigan
I always imagine that if I met Dr. Seuss, he would be very similar to Crispin Glover.
Jim Gaffigan
Lifetime is television for women. Yet for some reason, there's always a woman getting beaten on that channel. In a Lifetime original, Meredith Baxter-Berney gets beaten with a rod. In a Lifetime original, Rod.
Jim Gaffigan
This city has so many beautiful women. I fall in love like every ten minutes, I'm sitting on the subway, I'm like, There's my wife... there she is - oh, she's getting off. All right, there's the woman - all right, that's a man.
Jim Gaffigan
I'm there to make people laugh. I'm not trying to come across as sexy.
Jim Gaffigan
The whole idea of comedy, there is nothing normal about going up on stage to make strangers laugh. But I'm also not an exhibitionist like other comics. I'm not up there talking about masturbating.
Jim Gaffigan
I think I grew up with the idea that God was a punishing being, constructed around rules.
Jim Gaffigan
I don't think comedians make an active decision to be a certain persona. Comedians write the way they're going to write.
Jim Gaffigan
Anyone know if the shuttles to Hell will have Wifi? Asking for a friend.
Jim Gaffigan
The entertainment business is such a strange, crazy perception business that you're either given way too much respect, like people saying, You should be the head of the sitcom! Or you're given no respect, where they're like, You should audition to be the garbage man that lives four houses down.
Jim Gaffigan
Whenever you correct someone's grammar just remember that nobody likes you.
Jim Gaffigan
I wouldn't say that comedy brought me away from it.I think that my idea of faith was another obligation in my life.
Jim Gaffigan
If I was on an airplane, the people in coach would know who I am. But no one in first class would know.
Jim Gaffigan
They always give you three ketchup packets. When you go back up and ask for more, the guy handing them out always treats you like you're taking from his personal stash. Looks like my kids aren't having ketchup tonight.
Jim Gaffigan
Deep frying a Twinkie makes it healthy, right?
Jim Gaffigan
I didn't realize how much of a Hoosier or a Midwesterner I was until I moved to New York. It's weird - growing up in Indiana, I wanted to get out, and now I completely romanticize Indiana. It just seems like there's a greater focus on family back there, which I suppose is something that kind of stayed with me.
Jim Gaffigan
I try to only eat animals that are vegan. I'm probably the opposite of a vegan.
Jim Gaffigan
My goal in life is to be as happy as a studio audience.
Jim Gaffigan
I smoke crack. I get all my dancers together and we do a prayer.
Jim Gaffigan
I've had plenty of friends tell me that their first time doing stand-up, they do well, and then they tank for a while after that. Kind of like the first time you do a drug, you're like, Huh! This is pretty darn good, and then you spend all your money trying to get the same high.
Jim Gaffigan
