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I'm a weirdo that goes on stage to make strangers laugh, but if I wasn't working, I would just want to be with my wife and kids. I don't even think I'd want to go out to dinner.

Jim Gaffigan

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Jim Gaffigan
Age: 58
Born: 1966
Born: July 7
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Elgin
Illinois
James Christopher Gaffigan
Think
Wasn
Thinking
Stage
Weirdo
Wife
Strangers
Working
Stranger
Kids
Dinner
Even
Laugh
Make
Laughing
Would
Goes

More quotes by Jim Gaffigan

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The appetizer is just an excuse for an extra meal. Let's see, I will start with the eighty buffalo wings.
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I come from a very big family. Nine parents.
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It's so obvious The Weather Channel is pro hurricane. Fair and balanced my ass.
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We wrote about having five kids and bringing them to church. A journalist at The Washington Post wrote this article where the headline was The New Catholic Evangelism Of Jim Gaffigan. And it was a bit terrifying.
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Pie can't compete with cake. Put candles in a cake, it's a birthday cake. Put candles in a pie, someone's drunk in the kitchen.
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I guess the reasons against having more children always seem uninspiring and superficial. What exactly am I missing out on? Money? A few more hours of sleep? A more peaceful meal? More hair? These are nothing compared to what I get from these five monsters who rule my life.
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Faith is something that's - it's hard to articulate. It's - there's - it's not based on logic.
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I never went to church when I was in college, either.
Jim Gaffigan
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I always want my standup act to appeal to everybody in the room, and when I started standup, and I would see people talk about their kids and their wife, and I'd always cringe a little bit, like, 'I can't get a date, I don't know what you're talking about.'
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You ever talk about a movie with someone that read the book? They're always so condescending. 'Ah, the book was much better than the movie.' Oh really? What I enjoyed about the movie: no reading.
Jim Gaffigan
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Stand-up is so rewarding, and I enjoy the acting opportunities I've had, but the only time I really feel bad is when I feel like I have this manufactured belief that I should be doing something else or there should be some type of recognition. On an intellectual level, I know it's stupid.
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I don't want to get involved in the culture war. Religion's iffy.
Jim Gaffigan
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I'm not saying that McDonald's gift certificates caused the obesity epidemic, but in retrospect, the timing is kind of suspicious.
Jim Gaffigan
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It's kind of hard to articulate, but, like, this notion of mercy, forgiveness, was very appealing for me. It was very profound. And it had a deep impact, and I think it still does.
Jim Gaffigan
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My childhood best friend is an anesthesiologist. It's the least amount of human interaction for a doctor. I don't think you can get that burned out on it.
Jim Gaffigan
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Kale is a superfood and it’s special power is tasting bad.
Jim Gaffigan
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I saw this college team bowling championship. Each team had their own coach. What kind of strategy advice is a bowling coach giving? You know what? This time Timmy, I want you to knock down all the pins. You sure? Trust me. Just do it son!
Jim Gaffigan
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Don't you think it's strange how many referees work at Footlocker?
Jim Gaffigan
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“Really, there are two types of people who go bowling. There are people who really, really love bowling. Then there are the people that are like: wouldn’t it be hysterical if we went bowling?”
Jim Gaffigan
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I'm much more interested in making people laugh than getting applause breaks.
Jim Gaffigan