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I'm a weirdo that goes on stage to make strangers laugh, but if I wasn't working, I would just want to be with my wife and kids. I don't even think I'd want to go out to dinner.

Jim Gaffigan

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Jim Gaffigan
Age: 58
Born: 1966
Born: July 7
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Elgin
Illinois
James Christopher Gaffigan
Thinking
Stage
Weirdo
Wife
Strangers
Working
Stranger
Kids
Dinner
Even
Laugh
Make
Laughing
Would
Goes
Think
Wasn

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Comics write to their point of view. If you're an exceedingly irreverent comedian, you've got to see where that point of view fits or produces the most funny.
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What exactly are the ingredients of Ranch dressing? Mayo and disappointment?
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Thanksgiving is the most complicated meal you can think of. Every night, dinner is just pasta. It's just different shapes of pasta.
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Anyone know if the shuttles to Hell will have Wifi? Asking for a friend.
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The entertainment business is such a strange, crazy perception business that you're either given way too much respect, like people saying, You should be the head of the sitcom! Or you're given no respect, where they're like, You should audition to be the garbage man that lives four houses down.
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When I'm in touch with the idea that there is a higher power and that there is, you know, other factors at work, it - it kind of quells my narcissism.
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I really don't care about birthdays. It's something where even as a kid, I never really felt comfortable when someone would sing to me.
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My kids are so dramatically different, but it's not like I would trade one in or like there's one I would pick over the other ones. I know that sounds like I'm bullshitting. I also have five of them so I barely know them.
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How dumb do I think the Americans are? I bet you we could sell those idiots water.
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It's like in most parts of America, where there was industry and there is no longer there is cynicism mixed with sarcasm and some optimism. That's how my background influenced my comedy.
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Imagine you're drowning, and someone hands you a baby.
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That's not to say that I'm a well-informed Catholic. I'm still in idiot.
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You ever get a postcard, you get so excited you don't even read it! Hey I got a - who cares.
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Babies and toddlers are mostly what I've been exposed to at this point. I'm hoping parenting just gets much easier after this. It does, right?
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The idea of being a practicing Catholic, it's - for me, it's like - I need a lot of practice, you know what I mean?
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I always imagine that if I met Dr. Seuss, he would be very similar to Crispin Glover.
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I love writing stand-up so much and tinkering and looking for ideas.
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I like bowling. It's just one of those things where I can do so many jokes about it because I do know bowling. Somebody once said, The whitest things in the world are Jim Gaffigan and bowling.
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There should be a children's song: 'If you're happy and you know it, keep it to yourself and let your dad sleep'.
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Faith is something that's - it's hard to articulate. It's - there's - it's not based on logic.
Jim Gaffigan