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I never went to church when I was in college, either.

Jim Gaffigan

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Jim Gaffigan
Age: 58
Born: 1966
Born: July 7
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Elgin
Illinois
James Christopher Gaffigan
Never
College
Went
Either
Church

More quotes by Jim Gaffigan

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I like that in my audiences, there's a lesbian couple sitting next to a Mormon family.
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I watch a lot of TV, I drink a lot of coffee, but you know what's really addictive? Heroin.
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I love how New York is so multicultural. I wish I was ethnic, I'm nothing. Because if you're Hispanic and you get angry, people are like, 'He's got a Latin temper!' If you're a white guy and you get angry, people are like, 'That guy's a jerk.'
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It's not as if ten years ago, we were like, 'I wish I could take low quality photos of my dessert.'
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You ever get a postcard, you get so excited you don't even read it! Hey I got a - who cares.
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I've never eaten a Hot Pocket and then afterwards been, I'm glad I ate that. I'm always like, I'm gonna die.
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Don't you expect a rainbow coming out of the tub of bacon strips at the end of the buffet line?
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Do you ever leave a message for somebody and the answering machine cuts you off, and you have to decide whether you should not call back, or call back and appear like a stalker? Hi. It's me again. I forgot to tell you that I'm going to kill you. Because I'm the freak who keeps calling and calling.
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I was watching the Animal Planet. Did you know that the male seahorse has the baby? Why don't they just call that one the female?
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My kids are always awake. It's they're taking shifts. 'Alright, I'll annoy 'em from midnight to . Who wants to ?'
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The entertainment business is such a strange, crazy perception business that you're either given way too much respect, like people saying, You should be the head of the sitcom! Or you're given no respect, where they're like, You should audition to be the garbage man that lives four houses down.
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You could say that to the pope. I want to talk to you about Jesus. He'd be like, easy, freak.
Jim Gaffigan
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I know that Colbert could quote Thomas Aquinas and all this, but I'm somebody who, because it's a necessity for me on a personal basis. I need it because I'm a lunatic.
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I love sleep. I need sleep. We all do, of course. There are those people that don't need sleep. I think they're called 'successful.
Jim Gaffigan
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My faith kind of keeps me in touch with the idea that I'm not in control of things.
Jim Gaffigan
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Bacon bits are like the fairy dust of the food community.
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I am a guy who talks about bacon and escalators. Stand-up comedy is very much a conversation. It's very personal, stylistically.
Jim Gaffigan
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I think being a doctor is really hard, and it's really this thankless, never-ending job. It's not even that you get done with a project. There are always sick people.
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Playing frisbee with a five year old is amazingly similar to chasing after a frisbee.
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On MySpace ... the whole demographic of the stand-up comedy fan has changed. It's like an indie band thing. People think they've discovered you.
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