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The idea of being a practicing Catholic, it's - for me, it's like - I need a lot of practice, you know what I mean?
Jim Gaffigan
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Jim Gaffigan
Age: 58
Born: 1966
Born: July 7
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Elgin
Illinois
James Christopher Gaffigan
Catholic
Practice
Idea
Ideas
Need
Mean
Needs
Like
Practicing
More quotes by Jim Gaffigan
I think it's important to control your opportunities, because in the entertainment world, it's not up to you. I'm not sitting here under this naïve belief that someone in Hollywood is going, Gaffigan! What kind of a show can I build around him? So you have to find things that can showcase your point of view.
Jim Gaffigan
I'm an eccentric, silly, observational guy, but I'm not gonna frighten off social conservatives.
Jim Gaffigan
I really don't care about birthdays. It's something where even as a kid, I never really felt comfortable when someone would sing to me.
Jim Gaffigan
My children have made me a better man, which is - in the end, that's probably more important than two more comedy specials or being in better shape.
Jim Gaffigan
There were times in my life when I had one thing to do all day, but I still couldn’t get to it. “I gotta go to the post office, but I’d probably have to put on pants. And they’re only open till five. Looks like I’m going to have to do that next week.
Jim Gaffigan
I'd have to say Sunset Salsa. Nothing against Honey Lime, but it's for losers.
Jim Gaffigan
I think growing up in Indiana prepares anyone for a life in comedy. I do feel like there is a certain kind of self-effacing cynicism among all Hoosiers.
Jim Gaffigan
I'd really like to promote my increasing consumption of bacon.
Jim Gaffigan
Be more assertive with what you want to do.
Jim Gaffigan
I see some people with glasses here, I trust people with glasses, don't you? But if you're wearing your glasses like this ... Get away from 'em!
Jim Gaffigan
When you have five little kids, you're not going to open Mindy Kaling's latest book. You're playing with your kids.
Jim Gaffigan
Most of my material is , it doesn't necessarily involve a lot of editing. So even the show with the World Meeting of Families in Philadelphia, I don't have to worry about some of the material being inappropriate.
Jim Gaffigan
How about those people who don't need sleep? What are they called again? Successful? What a bunch of dicks they are.
Jim Gaffigan
The Pearly Gates. Am I the only one who finds it odd that Heaven has gates? What kind of neighborhood is Heaven in?
Jim Gaffigan
One of the benefits of eating salad is that you can eat tons of it and never be satisfied.
Jim Gaffigan
If you're a guy over 30 by yourself in the hotel pool, you automatically look like a murderer who's just relaxing after he strangled a family. Yeah-that dad was a tough one to kill.
Jim Gaffigan
Do you ever leave a message for somebody and the answering machine cuts you off, and you have to decide whether you should not call back, or call back and appear like a stalker? Hi. It's me again. I forgot to tell you that I'm going to kill you. Because I'm the freak who keeps calling and calling.
Jim Gaffigan
On MySpace ... the whole demographic of the stand-up comedy fan has changed. It's like an indie band thing. People think they've discovered you.
Jim Gaffigan
Don't you think it's strange how many referees work at Footlocker?
Jim Gaffigan
When I started stand-up - and this is in the '90s - there was definitely people hadn't watched decades of Comedy Central, where people are really much more educated on stand-up comedy.
Jim Gaffigan
