Quote

I know that Colbert could quote Thomas Aquinas and all this, but I'm somebody who, because it's a necessity for me on a personal basis. I need it because I'm a lunatic.

Jim Gaffigan

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Jim Gaffigan
Age: 58
Born: 1966
Born: July 7
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Elgin
Illinois
James Christopher Gaffigan
Needs
Thomas
Quote
Necessity
Basis
Bases
Personal
Colbert
Somebody
Aquinas
Need
Lunatic

More quotes by Jim Gaffigan

Image
I grew up in a Catholic family in the Midwest. And I knew people of different faiths and people that were atheists and people that were agnostic.
Jim Gaffigan
Image
Whenever one of my children says, 'Goodnight, Daddy,' I always think to myself, 'You don't mean that.
Jim Gaffigan
Image
I only dated one Asian girl, but she was very Asian. She was a panda.
Jim Gaffigan
Image
Entertainers Of Faith, funnyman Jim Gaffigan isn't ashamed of his Catholicism. He's seen here leaving a New York comedy club with his Bible in hand.
Jim Gaffigan
Image
Babies should be classified as an antidepressant. It's pretty hard to be in a bad mood around a 5-month-old baby.
Jim Gaffigan
Image
Comedy is a very lucrative business now, but when everyone first went into it, it didn't make sense from a financial standpoint.
Jim Gaffigan
Image
Why would a lazy guy become a parent of five? Then again, why would creative people who inherently don't like change and criticism become writers, actors, or comedians? There's something about this process. I joke about it: My kids have made me a better person, and I only need, like, 34 more of them to be a really good guy.
Jim Gaffigan
Image
In Indiana, I wasn't anything special. But in New York, I've gone out with girls with purple hair who go out with me because I'm exotic!
Jim Gaffigan
Image
The Pearly Gates. Am I the only one who finds it odd that Heaven has gates? What kind of neighborhood is Heaven in?
Jim Gaffigan
Image
I never went to church when I was in college, either.
Jim Gaffigan
Image
The question is the primary form of communication for little kids.
Jim Gaffigan
Image
I don't know about you, but when they first introduced bottled water, I thought it was so funny, I was like Bottled water! Haha, they're selling bottled water! ... I guess I'll try it. Ah, this is good, this is more watery than water. Yeah, this has got a water kick to it.
Jim Gaffigan
Image
Anyone know if the shuttles to Hell will have Wifi? Asking for a friend.
Jim Gaffigan
Image
There is the vegetarian Hot Pocket for those of us who don't want to eat meat, but would still like diarrhea.
Jim Gaffigan
Image
We’re never satisfied when it comes to food. ‘You know what’d be good on this burger? A ham sandwich. Instead of a bun, let’s use two donuts. That way we can have it for breakfast. Look out McGriddle. Here comes the donut-ham-hamburger!’
Jim Gaffigan
Image
Weight Watchers says nothing tastes better than thin feels. I can think of a thousand things that taste better than thin feels.
Jim Gaffigan
Image
I'm much more interested in making people laugh than getting applause breaks.
Jim Gaffigan
Image
Holidays are also an opportunity for kids to unlearn every good habit they've learned during the rest of the year. They don't go to school. They get to stay up past their bedtime. They get candy and presents for doing nothing. Childhood utopia.
Jim Gaffigan
Image
I'd have to say Sunset Salsa. Nothing against Honey Lime, but it's for losers.
Jim Gaffigan
Image
How'd we come up with the robe? Was some guy just like, 'Hey, I've got an idea! Why don't we make a coat out of a towel? You can have a little belt that goes around. You could dunk the belt in the toilet! Have a toilet belt.'
Jim Gaffigan