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I know that Colbert could quote Thomas Aquinas and all this, but I'm somebody who, because it's a necessity for me on a personal basis. I need it because I'm a lunatic.
Jim Gaffigan
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Jim Gaffigan
Age: 58
Born: 1966
Born: July 7
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Elgin
Illinois
James Christopher Gaffigan
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Necessity
Basis
Bases
Personal
Colbert
Somebody
Aquinas
Need
Lunatic
Needs
Thomas
More quotes by Jim Gaffigan
Some of my fear and anxieties surrounding faith, I think, provides some good comedy for my act.
Jim Gaffigan
I love how New York is so multicultural. I wish I was ethnic, I'm nothing. Because if you're Hispanic and you get angry, people are like, 'He's got a Latin temper!' If you're a white guy and you get angry, people are like, 'That guy's a jerk.'
Jim Gaffigan
People treat having a kid as somehow retiring from success. Quitting. Have you seen a baby? They’re pretty cute. Loving them is pretty easy. Smiling babies should actually be categorized by the pharmaceutical industry as a powerful antidepressant. Being happy is really the definition of success, isn’t it?
Jim Gaffigan
The appetizer is just an excuse for an extra meal. Let's see, I will start with the eighty buffalo wings.
Jim Gaffigan
I think it's important to control your opportunities, because in the entertainment world, it's not up to you. I'm not sitting here under this naïve belief that someone in Hollywood is going, Gaffigan! What kind of a show can I build around him? So you have to find things that can showcase your point of view.
Jim Gaffigan
I just want to be known as funny.
Jim Gaffigan
Don't you think it's strange how many referees work at Footlocker?
Jim Gaffigan
I'm there to make people laugh. I'm not trying to come across as sexy.
Jim Gaffigan
Don't take this the wrong way but I care more and I'm a better online friend than you. I also spend way to much time online.
Jim Gaffigan
Thanksgiving is the most complicated meal you can think of. Every night, dinner is just pasta. It's just different shapes of pasta.
Jim Gaffigan
I only dated one Asian girl, but she was very Asian. She was a panda.
Jim Gaffigan
You wanna know how good bacon is? To improve other food, they wrap it in bacon.
Jim Gaffigan
I didn't choose to be the guy who talks about the mundane - it's just who I am and it's what kind of works for me.
Jim Gaffigan
I'm much more interested in making people laugh than getting applause breaks.
Jim Gaffigan
As an actor, you deal with so much rejection and humiliation. When the good things come around, you tend not to trust your instincts.
Jim Gaffigan
There were times in my life when I had one thing to do all day, but I still couldn’t get to it. “I gotta go to the post office, but I’d probably have to put on pants. And they’re only open till five. Looks like I’m going to have to do that next week.
Jim Gaffigan
When you have five little kids, you're not going to open Mindy Kaling's latest book. You're playing with your kids.
Jim Gaffigan
How'd we come up with the robe? Was some guy just like, 'Hey, I've got an idea! Why don't we make a coat out of a towel? You can have a little belt that goes around. You could dunk the belt in the toilet! Have a toilet belt.'
Jim Gaffigan
I was watching the Animal Planet. Did you know that the male seahorse has the baby? Why don't they just call that one the female?
Jim Gaffigan
Entertainers Of Faith, funnyman Jim Gaffigan isn't ashamed of his Catholicism. He's seen here leaving a New York comedy club with his Bible in hand.
Jim Gaffigan