Quote

I do just want to do jokes. I don't want to be a divisive figure.

Jim Gaffigan

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Jim Gaffigan
Age: 58
Born: 1966
Born: July 7
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Elgin
Illinois
James Christopher Gaffigan
Divisive
Jokes
Figure
Figures

More quotes by Jim Gaffigan

Image
I really don't care about birthdays. It's something where even as a kid, I never really felt comfortable when someone would sing to me.
Jim Gaffigan
Image
I think it's important to control your opportunities, because in the entertainment world, it's not up to you. I'm not sitting here under this naïve belief that someone in Hollywood is going, Gaffigan! What kind of a show can I build around him? So you have to find things that can showcase your point of view.
Jim Gaffigan
Image
I do have some Catholic stuff that is done from the perspective of an ignorant Catholic. But other than that, topic-wise, there's nothing really filthy.
Jim Gaffigan
Image
Faith is something that's - it's hard to articulate. It's - there's - it's not based on logic.
Jim Gaffigan
Image
When our bed is made, it's covered in 40 pillows-like we're stockpiling ammo for the global pillow fight.
Jim Gaffigan
Image
Do you ever leave a message for somebody and the answering machine cuts you off, and you have to decide whether you should not call back, or call back and appear like a stalker? Hi. It's me again. I forgot to tell you that I'm going to kill you. Because I'm the freak who keeps calling and calling.
Jim Gaffigan
Image
The whole idea of comedy, there is nothing normal about going up on stage to make strangers laugh. But I'm also not an exhibitionist like other comics. I'm not up there talking about masturbating.
Jim Gaffigan
Image
Don't you think it's strange how many referees work at Footlocker?
Jim Gaffigan
Image
What exactly are the ingredients of Ranch dressing? Mayo and disappointment?
Jim Gaffigan
Image
I like that in my audiences, there's a lesbian couple sitting next to a Mormon family.
Jim Gaffigan
Image
Babies and toddlers are mostly what I've been exposed to at this point. I'm hoping parenting just gets much easier after this. It does, right?
Jim Gaffigan
Image
Oh great, socks. You know I'm dying for your sins right? Yeah, but thanks for the socks! They'll go great with my sandals. What am I, German?
Jim Gaffigan
Image
Smiling babies should actually be categorized by the pharmaceutical industry as a powerful antidepressant.
Jim Gaffigan
Image
Don't take this the wrong way but I care more and I'm a better online friend than you. I also spend way to much time online.
Jim Gaffigan
Image
In stand up, you get an awareness of how you come across, but in acting there is almost a hyper-awareness on how you might be physically perceived.
Jim Gaffigan
Image
Nursery schools and bars at 2 a.m. are the only places where it is completely normal if someone just spontaneously throws up on the floor...and just like a toddler, the bar patron wakes up the next day not remembering or caring how they behaved.
Jim Gaffigan
Image
Pie can't compete with cake. Put candles in a cake, it's a birthday cake. Put candles in a pie, someone's drunk in the kitchen.
Jim Gaffigan
Image
Other people's children's birthday parties are the most joyful events you will ever resent having to attend.
Jim Gaffigan
Image
I just want to be known as funny.
Jim Gaffigan
Image
I'm not saying that McDonald's gift certificates caused the obesity epidemic, but in retrospect, the timing is kind of suspicious.
Jim Gaffigan