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Once you identify yourself as believing something, you open yourself to ridicule.
Jim Gaffigan
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Jim Gaffigan
Age: 58
Born: 1966
Born: July 7
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Elgin
Illinois
James Christopher Gaffigan
Believing
Open
Something
Believe
Ridicule
Identify
More quotes by Jim Gaffigan
When you hear bacon cooking....that sizzling sound isn't the fat cooking....that's applause.
Jim Gaffigan
I think the worst professional advice I received was this kind of unspoken message of sit back and wait your turn, or sit back and wait and let other people do things.
Jim Gaffigan
I don't know what's more exhausting about parenting: the getting up early, or acting like you know what you're doing.
Jim Gaffigan
Some people that work for Hot Pockets came to my Denver Paramount Theater show. They brought these hot pocket boxes the size of suit cases for me to sign. I wrote these are WMD's on the boxes. The HP people seem to have a good sense of humor about all of it.
Jim Gaffigan
Thanksgiving, you know - Thanksgiving - it's like we didn't even try to come up with a tradition. The tradition is we overeat.
Jim Gaffigan
If only opening a Vitamin Water could be classified as working out.
Jim Gaffigan
I don't want people to think I believe in God.
Jim Gaffigan
I think I have a lot of voices in my head and I guess my inner critic is a female.
Jim Gaffigan
I never went to church when I was in college, either.
Jim Gaffigan
Don't you expect a rainbow coming out of the tub of bacon strips at the end of the buffet line?
Jim Gaffigan
Anyone know if the shuttles to Hell will have Wifi? Asking for a friend.
Jim Gaffigan
The entertainment business is such a strange, crazy perception business that you're either given way too much respect, like people saying, You should be the head of the sitcom! Or you're given no respect, where they're like, You should audition to be the garbage man that lives four houses down.
Jim Gaffigan
Smiling babies should actually be categorized by the pharmaceutical industry as a powerful antidepressant.
Jim Gaffigan
Playing frisbee with a five year old is amazingly similar to chasing after a frisbee.
Jim Gaffigan
My faith kind of keeps me in touch with the idea that I'm not in control of things.
Jim Gaffigan
I'm not saying that McDonald's gift certificates caused the obesity epidemic, but in retrospect, the timing is kind of suspicious.
Jim Gaffigan
Steakhouses sort of have this old-school nature to them they're like museums full of good food. It's fun hearing the waiter share his expertise on the different cuts of beef and how they're going to cut up your baked potato.
Jim Gaffigan
Entertainers Of Faith, funnyman Jim Gaffigan isn't ashamed of his Catholicism. He's seen here leaving a New York comedy club with his Bible in hand.
Jim Gaffigan
I only dated one Asian girl, but she was very Asian. She was a panda.
Jim Gaffigan
I'm a comedian, which is the opposite of a lifestyle that equips you to be a parent.
Jim Gaffigan
