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I don't want to get involved in the culture war. Religion's iffy.

Jim Gaffigan

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Jim Gaffigan
Age: 58
Born: 1966
Born: July 7
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Elgin
Illinois
James Christopher Gaffigan
Religion
War
Culture
Iffy
Involved

More quotes by Jim Gaffigan

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I'd been acting and doing stand-up in New York about eight years, getting rejected, and I finally got the opportunity to do stand-up on Letterman, which holds even more importance for me. With comedians, that's definitely the pinnacle, but being from Indiana, it was a big to-do.
Jim Gaffigan
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Babies, they learn how to walk and they are already trying to run away. You can't reach the doorknob, you only know us, think it through.
Jim Gaffigan
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There should be a children's song: 'If you're happy and you know it, keep it to yourself and let your dad sleep'.
Jim Gaffigan
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You ever mix two different groups of friends? That can be stressful. You always feel like you have to prep 'em. You're like, These people over here, uh, they don't think I drink. And don't be thrown by my British accent.
Jim Gaffigan
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I really don't care about birthdays. It's something where even as a kid, I never really felt comfortable when someone would sing to me.
Jim Gaffigan
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I never went to church when I was in college, either.
Jim Gaffigan
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When I'm in touch with the idea that there is a higher power and that there is, you know, other factors at work, it - it kind of quells my narcissism.
Jim Gaffigan
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I do want everyone to feel comfortable. That's why I'd like to talk to you about Jesus.
Jim Gaffigan
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My wife always asks me why I don't make the bed. And I respond with the same reason why I don't tie my shoes after I take them off.
Jim Gaffigan
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How dumb do I think the Americans are? I bet you we could sell those idiots water.
Jim Gaffigan
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You could say that to the pope. I want to talk to you about Jesus. He'd be like, easy, freak.
Jim Gaffigan
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I never have free time, I don't know about you. You ever go to the cash machine, there's two people in line in front of you and you get kinda flustered, you're like Forget it! I'm not standing here for 40 seconds. I got things to do, okay?
Jim Gaffigan
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Most of my material is , it doesn't necessarily involve a lot of editing. So even the show with the World Meeting of Families in Philadelphia, I don't have to worry about some of the material being inappropriate.
Jim Gaffigan
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I think comedians get too much credit or too much criticism for the style of comedy they do, and they generally do the style of comedy that works for them. [...] There's no kind of shrewd calculation going into the type of standup we all do. It's like David Cross is supposed to be doing the David Cross' type of standup.
Jim Gaffigan
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Why do you have to be out of town to write a postcard? I want a to write a postcard to my neighbor: I still live near you! The guy sees me go into my apartment, flips the card over, it's just a picture of me holding a rifle.
Jim Gaffigan
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Oh great, socks. You know I'm dying for your sins right? Yeah, but thanks for the socks! They'll go great with my sandals. What am I, German?
Jim Gaffigan
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I've always been somebody that it takes me longer to learn things, but once I learn them... I'm like a quarterback that plays best in the fourth quarter.
Jim Gaffigan
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Once you put bacon into a salad it's no longer a salad, it just becomes a game of find the bacon in the lettuce. It's like you're panning for gold, hmmmmm, EUREKA!
Jim Gaffigan
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But in Indiana it's not like New York where everyone's like, 'We're from New York and we're the best' or 'We're from Texas and we like things big' it's more like 'We're from Indiana and we're gonna move.
Jim Gaffigan
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Besides hot pockets keeps introducing new products every 10 minutes so I always have new stuff on the topic.
Jim Gaffigan