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I don't want people to think I believe in God.

Jim Gaffigan

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Jim Gaffigan
Age: 58
Born: 1966
Born: July 7
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Elgin
Illinois
James Christopher Gaffigan
Believe
Think
Thinking
People

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Meredith Baxter Birney gets beaten by a rod, in the Lifetime Original, Rod.
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This city has so many beautiful women. I fall in love like every ten minutes, I'm sitting on the subway, I'm like, There's my wife... there she is - oh, she's getting off. All right, there's the woman - all right, that's a man.
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I would make sweet love to Don Rickles.
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The question is the primary form of communication for little kids.
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My childhood best friend is an anesthesiologist. It's the least amount of human interaction for a doctor. I don't think you can get that burned out on it.
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It's kind of hard to articulate, but, like, this notion of mercy, forgiveness, was very appealing for me. It was very profound. And it had a deep impact, and I think it still does.
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I don't know what's more exhausting about parenting: the getting up early, or acting like you know what you're doing.
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I went to a Catholic University and there's something about being a Catholic-American. You know, St. Patrick's Day is, I'm Irish-Catholic. There's alcoholism in my family. It's like I've got to be Catholic, right?
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I just want to be known as funny.
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Now don't get me wrong, I love animals, but I like eatin' 'em more... fun to pet, better to chew.
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I never went to church when I was in college, either.
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I spent most of my adult life essentially agnostic or an atheist.
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After you eat a Hot Pocket, Everything will taste like rubber for a month!
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Babies and toddlers are mostly what I've been exposed to at this point. I'm hoping parenting just gets much easier after this. It does, right?
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Weight Watchers says nothing tastes better than thin feels. I can think of a thousand things that taste better than thin feels.
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I watch a lot of TV, I drink a lot of coffee, but you know what's really addictive? Heroin.
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I love writing stand-up so much and tinkering and looking for ideas.
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My goal in life is to be as happy as a studio audience.
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I told my son, who's 11, Look, I don't care if you curse - it's other people that care. So we tried that experiment, and he just cursed all the time. And I was like, All right, now I care that you curse. You try to have this idealized view, and it's like, I don't care. But it's just going to cause chaos.
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I didn't choose to be the guy who talks about the mundane - it's just who I am and it's what kind of works for me.
Jim Gaffigan