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Don't take this the wrong way but I care more and I'm a better online friend than you. I also spend way to much time online.

Jim Gaffigan

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Jim Gaffigan
Age: 58
Born: 1966
Born: July 7
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Elgin
Illinois
James Christopher Gaffigan
Wrong
Also
Care
Better
Take
Much
Online
Way
Spend
Time
Friend

More quotes by Jim Gaffigan

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My kids are always awake. It's they're taking shifts. 'Alright, I'll annoy 'em from midnight to . Who wants to ?'
Jim Gaffigan
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There were times in my life when I had one thing to do all day, but I still couldn’t get to it. “I gotta go to the post office, but I’d probably have to put on pants. And they’re only open till five. Looks like I’m going to have to do that next week.
Jim Gaffigan
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Imagine you're drowning, and someone hands you a baby.
Jim Gaffigan
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I never went to church when I was in college, either.
Jim Gaffigan
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I always imagine that if I met Dr. Seuss, he would be very similar to Crispin Glover.
Jim Gaffigan
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I don't know what's more exhausting about parenting: the getting up early, or acting like you know what you're doing.
Jim Gaffigan
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The question is the primary form of communication for little kids.
Jim Gaffigan
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This city has so many beautiful women. I fall in love like every ten minutes, I'm sitting on the subway, I'm like, There's my wife... there she is - oh, she's getting off. All right, there's the woman - all right, that's a man.
Jim Gaffigan
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Babies, they learn how to walk and they are already trying to run away. You can't reach the doorknob, you only know us, think it through.
Jim Gaffigan
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I saw this college team bowling championship. Each team had their own coach. What kind of strategy advice is a bowling coach giving? You know what? This time Timmy, I want you to knock down all the pins. You sure? Trust me. Just do it son!
Jim Gaffigan
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Most of my material is , it doesn't necessarily involve a lot of editing. So even the show with the World Meeting of Families in Philadelphia, I don't have to worry about some of the material being inappropriate.
Jim Gaffigan
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Lean Pockets, I don't even wanna know what's in those. I wonder what the directions are on a box of Lean Pockets: 'Remove from box, place directly in toilet.' Flush Pocket!
Jim Gaffigan
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Bacon is like the opposite of medicine. It's like, Take that, Lipitor.
Jim Gaffigan
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Some people have their own bowling ball and their own bowling shoes... and no friends.
Jim Gaffigan
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Some of my fear and anxieties surrounding faith, I think, provides some good comedy for my act.
Jim Gaffigan
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I got up early because I wanted to. - Nobody
Jim Gaffigan
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Deep frying a Twinkie makes it healthy, right?
Jim Gaffigan
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If I was on an airplane, the people in coach would know who I am. But no one in first class would know.
Jim Gaffigan
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Raising kids may be a thankless job with ridiculous hours, but at least the pay sucks.
Jim Gaffigan
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How'd we come up with the robe? Was some guy just like, 'Hey, I've got an idea! Why don't we make a coat out of a towel? You can have a little belt that goes around. You could dunk the belt in the toilet! Have a toilet belt.'
Jim Gaffigan