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The Pearly Gates. Am I the only one who finds it odd that Heaven has gates? What kind of neighborhood is Heaven in?
Jim Gaffigan
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Jim Gaffigan
Age: 58
Born: 1966
Born: July 7
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Elgin
Illinois
James Christopher Gaffigan
Odd
Gates
Neighborhood
Finds
Heaven
Kind
Pearly
More quotes by Jim Gaffigan
My goal in life is to be as happy as a studio audience.
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I'm bald, blind and pale. I'm like a gigantic recessive gene.
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I didn't choose to be the guy who talks about the mundane - it's just who I am and it's what kind of works for me.
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There has been this belief among the Catholic community - and this - I'm no expert, this is my opinion - that cafeteria Catholics are wrong.
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My new years resolution? I will be less laz.
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I believe that comedians do what they do, and then they get credit or criticism for doing it. There's nothing planned about this.
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If only opening a Vitamin Water could be classified as working out.
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Why do you have to be out of town to write a postcard? I want a to write a postcard to my neighbor: I still live near you! The guy sees me go into my apartment, flips the card over, it's just a picture of me holding a rifle.
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I wouldn't say that comedy brought me away from it.I think that my idea of faith was another obligation in my life.
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I love how New York is so multicultural. I wish I was ethnic, I'm nothing. Because if you're Hispanic and you get angry, people are like, 'He's got a Latin temper!' If you're a white guy and you get angry, people are like, 'That guy's a jerk.'
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A lot of people are like, You're doing commercials? And I honestly feel like those Sierra Mist commercials are better than a lot of sitcoms I get offered. It's hard work, and I'm paid a lot of money, and I do it because I love the soda.
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Babies should be classified as an antidepressant. It's pretty hard to be in a bad mood around a 5-month-old baby.
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For me, it's always a little sad getting out of bed. Every morning after I get up, I always gaze longingly at my bed and lament, 'You were wonderful last night. I didn't want it to end. I can't wait to see you again.
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My faith kind of keeps me in touch with the idea that I'm not in control of things.
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I always imagine that if I met Dr. Seuss, he would be very similar to Crispin Glover.
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Comedians kind of write what comes to them. You can give yourself little assignments, but it's what inspires you.
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I think being a doctor is really hard, and it's really this thankless, never-ending job. It's not even that you get done with a project. There are always sick people.
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You know, I want to teach, but I don’t want to read?
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This city has so many beautiful women. I fall in love like every ten minutes, I'm sitting on the subway, I'm like, There's my wife... there she is - oh, she's getting off. All right, there's the woman - all right, that's a man.
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