Quote

Babies, they learn how to walk and they are already trying to run away. You can't reach the doorknob, you only know us, think it through.

Jim Gaffigan

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Jim Gaffigan
Age: 58
Born: 1966
Born: July 7
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Elgin
Illinois
James Christopher Gaffigan
Away
Babies
Trying
Reach
Think
Baby
Thinking
Walk
Already
Walks
Learn
Running
Doorknob

More quotes by Jim Gaffigan

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I would say some of the food I talk about that I really enjoy, like cake and bacon, I eat a lot less than I portray in my act. But that stuff that I dislike, it's pretty sincere.
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Whenever you go out to eat you gotta get the appetizer. 'Cause the appetizer's just an excuse for an extra meal. You're always like Lets see, I will start with the 80 buffalo wings...and do you have a low-cal blue cheese? 'Cause I don't wanna fill up too much.
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Bacon bits are like the fairy dust of the food community.
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It really never came up, but I think that in present-day America, they're - you know, and I touched on it in the initial clip - is that we are in the middle of this culture war.
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You ever mix two different groups of friends? That can be stressful. You always feel like you have to prep 'em. You're like, These people over here, uh, they don't think I drink. And don't be thrown by my British accent.
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Jesus if you could cure our son's blindness that'd be great... And we'd love some shelves over there.
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I watch a lot of TV, I drink a lot of coffee, but you know what's really addictive? Heroin.
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This city has so many beautiful women. I fall in love like every ten minutes, I'm sitting on the subway, I'm like, There's my wife... there she is - oh, she's getting off. All right, there's the woman - all right, that's a man.
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I love how New York is so multicultural. I wish I was ethnic, I'm nothing. Because if you're Hispanic and you get angry, people are like, 'He's got a Latin temper!' If you're a white guy and you get angry, people are like, 'That guy's a jerk.'
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Whenever one of my children says, 'Goodnight, Daddy,' I always think to myself, 'You don't mean that.
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I try to only eat animals that are vegan. I'm probably the opposite of a vegan.
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Even when you hear about a comedian getting married, among comedians, we're always kind of like, what are they doing?
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My goal in life is to be as happy as a studio audience.
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We wrote about having five kids and bringing them to church. A journalist at The Washington Post wrote this article where the headline was The New Catholic Evangelism Of Jim Gaffigan. And it was a bit terrifying.
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My childhood best friend is an anesthesiologist. It's the least amount of human interaction for a doctor. I don't think you can get that burned out on it.
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Why do you have to be out of town to write a postcard? I want a to write a postcard to my neighbor: I still live near you! The guy sees me go into my apartment, flips the card over, it's just a picture of me holding a rifle.
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My kids are always awake. It's they're taking shifts. 'Alright, I'll annoy 'em from midnight to . Who wants to ?'
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I always want my standup act to appeal to everybody in the room, and when I started standup, and I would see people talk about their kids and their wife, and I'd always cringe a little bit, like, 'I can't get a date, I don't know what you're talking about.'
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I come from a very big family. Nine parents.
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I don't want people to think I believe in God.
Jim Gaffigan