Quote

You can never find the right bowling ball. This one's too heavy. This one's good but its pink!

Jim Gaffigan

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Jim Gaffigan
Age: 58
Born: 1966
Born: July 7
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Elgin
Illinois
James Christopher Gaffigan
Balls
Heavy
Find
Right
Good
Never
Bowling
Pink
Ball

More quotes by Jim Gaffigan

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A lot of people are like, You're doing commercials? And I honestly feel like those Sierra Mist commercials are better than a lot of sitcoms I get offered. It's hard work, and I'm paid a lot of money, and I do it because I love the soda.
Jim Gaffigan
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I'd really like to promote my increasing consumption of bacon.
Jim Gaffigan
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When you hear bacon cooking....that sizzling sound isn't the fat cooking....that's applause.
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You ever get a postcard, you get so excited you don't even read it! Hey I got a - who cares.
Jim Gaffigan
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I do have some Catholic stuff that is done from the perspective of an ignorant Catholic. But other than that, topic-wise, there's nothing really filthy.
Jim Gaffigan
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Boutique hotels are great, but they get too cute. Some hotels have shoe polish. It's like, come on, this isn't 1960. No one's polishing their shoes.
Jim Gaffigan
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For stand-up comedians that go onstage and get to write and perform and direct, and do all these things, the allure of a television show is still there but if it doesn't offer a level of creative fulfillment, it's oddly unappealing.
Jim Gaffigan
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We wrote about having five kids and bringing them to church. A journalist at The Washington Post wrote this article where the headline was The New Catholic Evangelism Of Jim Gaffigan. And it was a bit terrifying.
Jim Gaffigan
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Why do you have to be out of town to write a postcard? I want a to write a postcard to my neighbor: I still live near you! The guy sees me go into my apartment, flips the card over, it's just a picture of me holding a rifle.
Jim Gaffigan
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I feel guilty if I'm not reading books, but I read scripts of movies or things that I know I'm committed to that I'm going to do the project. I tell myself, I'm going to read this script like six times, and I only read it the initial time.
Jim Gaffigan
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I think growing up in Indiana prepares anyone for a life in comedy. I do feel like there is a certain kind of self-effacing cynicism among all Hoosiers.
Jim Gaffigan
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I only dated one Asian girl, but she was very Asian. She was a panda.
Jim Gaffigan
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Oh great, socks. You know I'm dying for your sins right? Yeah, but thanks for the socks! They'll go great with my sandals. What am I, German?
Jim Gaffigan
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I always want my standup act to appeal to everybody in the room, and when I started standup, and I would see people talk about their kids and their wife, and I'd always cringe a little bit, like, 'I can't get a date, I don't know what you're talking about.'
Jim Gaffigan
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Don't you think it's strange how many referees work at Footlocker?
Jim Gaffigan
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Don't get caught up in other people's expectations. Don't take anything for granted, either.
Jim Gaffigan
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Smiling babies should actually be categorized by the pharmaceutical industry as a powerful antidepressant.
Jim Gaffigan
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The Pearly Gates. Am I the only one who finds it odd that Heaven has gates? What kind of neighborhood is Heaven in?
Jim Gaffigan
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You wanna know how good bacon is? To improve other food, they wrap it in bacon.
Jim Gaffigan
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My new years resolution? I will be less laz.
Jim Gaffigan