Share
×
Inspirational Quotes
Authors
Professions
Topics
Tags
Quote
Jesus if you could cure our son's blindness that'd be great... And we'd love some shelves over there.
Jim Gaffigan
Share
Change background
T
T
T
Change font
Original
TAGS & TOPICS
Jim Gaffigan
Age: 58
Born: 1966
Born: July 7
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Elgin
Illinois
James Christopher Gaffigan
Son
Jesus
Great
Love
Blindness
Shelves
Cure
Cures
More quotes by Jim Gaffigan
I grew up in a Catholic family in the Midwest. And I knew people of different faiths and people that were atheists and people that were agnostic.
Jim Gaffigan
Oh. What if we eat a lot with people that annoy the hell out of us?
Jim Gaffigan
Weight Watchers says nothing tastes better than thin feels. I can think of a thousand things that taste better than thin feels.
Jim Gaffigan
You could say that to the pope. I want to talk to you about Jesus. He'd be like, easy, freak.
Jim Gaffigan
I told my son, who's 11, Look, I don't care if you curse - it's other people that care. So we tried that experiment, and he just cursed all the time. And I was like, All right, now I care that you curse. You try to have this idealized view, and it's like, I don't care. But it's just going to cause chaos.
Jim Gaffigan
I think I grew up with the idea that God was a punishing being, constructed around rules.
Jim Gaffigan
Deep frying a Twinkie makes it healthy, right?
Jim Gaffigan
The idea of being a practicing Catholic, it's - for me, it's like - I need a lot of practice, you know what I mean?
Jim Gaffigan
My childhood best friend is an anesthesiologist. It's the least amount of human interaction for a doctor. I don't think you can get that burned out on it.
Jim Gaffigan
There has been this belief among the Catholic community - and this - I'm no expert, this is my opinion - that cafeteria Catholics are wrong.
Jim Gaffigan
My kids are so dramatically different, but it's not like I would trade one in or like there's one I would pick over the other ones. I know that sounds like I'm bullshitting. I also have five of them so I barely know them.
Jim Gaffigan
Don't you think it's strange how many referees work at Footlocker?
Jim Gaffigan
Holidays are also an opportunity for kids to unlearn every good habit they've learned during the rest of the year. They don't go to school. They get to stay up past their bedtime. They get candy and presents for doing nothing. Childhood utopia.
Jim Gaffigan
Do you ever leave a message for somebody and the answering machine cuts you off, and you have to decide whether you should not call back, or call back and appear like a stalker? Hi. It's me again. I forgot to tell you that I'm going to kill you. Because I'm the freak who keeps calling and calling.
Jim Gaffigan
Playing frisbee with a five year old is amazingly similar to chasing after a frisbee.
Jim Gaffigan
I never went to church when I was in college, either.
Jim Gaffigan
After you eat a Hot Pocket, Everything will taste like rubber for a month!
Jim Gaffigan
I smoke crack. I get all my dancers together and we do a prayer.
Jim Gaffigan
The hardest part of the day is all the stuff after I open my eyes in the morning.
Jim Gaffigan
I watch a lot of TV, I drink a lot of coffee, but you know what's really addictive? Heroin.
Jim Gaffigan
