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Jesus if you could cure our son's blindness that'd be great... And we'd love some shelves over there.

Jim Gaffigan

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Jim Gaffigan
Age: 58
Born: 1966
Born: July 7
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Elgin
Illinois
James Christopher Gaffigan
Jesus
Great
Love
Blindness
Shelves
Cure
Cures
Son

More quotes by Jim Gaffigan

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Whenever one of my children says, 'Goodnight, Daddy,' I always think to myself, 'You don't mean that.
Jim Gaffigan
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I don't know if I'm the husky guy, but I'm the sexy guy who's a good kisser .
Jim Gaffigan
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The Pearly Gates. Am I the only one who finds it odd that Heaven has gates? What kind of neighborhood is Heaven in?
Jim Gaffigan
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When you have five little kids, you're not going to open Mindy Kaling's latest book. You're playing with your kids.
Jim Gaffigan
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My whole comic persona is that of a guy who explores the id: I romanticize gluttony, I romanticize laziness, and people identify with that.
Jim Gaffigan
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I don't want to be a TV star for the sake of being on TV. I want to have a TV show that's based around my comedy.
Jim Gaffigan
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I grew up in a Catholic family in the Midwest. And I knew people of different faiths and people that were atheists and people that were agnostic.
Jim Gaffigan
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As an actor, you deal with so much rejection and humiliation. When the good things come around, you tend not to trust your instincts.
Jim Gaffigan
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My new years resolution? I will be less laz.
Jim Gaffigan
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When I'm in touch with the idea that there is a higher power and that there is, you know, other factors at work, it - it kind of quells my narcissism.
Jim Gaffigan
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I live in New York City, but it doesn't matter if you're in any large, metropolitan area, there's kind of a little bit of survival-of-the-fittest, so when you encounter kindness or people going out of their way in an empathetic way, it's almost startling.
Jim Gaffigan
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Babies and toddlers are mostly what I've been exposed to at this point. I'm hoping parenting just gets much easier after this. It does, right?
Jim Gaffigan
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Thanksgiving, you know - Thanksgiving - it's like we didn't even try to come up with a tradition. The tradition is we overeat.
Jim Gaffigan
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You ever mix two different groups of friends? That can be stressful. You always feel like you have to prep 'em. You're like, These people over here, uh, they don't think I drink. And don't be thrown by my British accent.
Jim Gaffigan
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It's amazing how email has changed our lives. You ever get a handwritten letter in the mail today? 'What the? Has someone been kidnapped?'
Jim Gaffigan
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Playing frisbee with a five year old is amazingly similar to chasing after a frisbee.
Jim Gaffigan
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People treat having a kid as somehow retiring from success. Quitting. Have you seen a baby? They’re pretty cute. Loving them is pretty easy. Smiling babies should actually be categorized by the pharmaceutical industry as a powerful antidepressant. Being happy is really the definition of success, isn’t it?
Jim Gaffigan
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Weight Watchers says nothing tastes better than thin feels. I can think of a thousand things that taste better than thin feels.
Jim Gaffigan
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It's like in most parts of America, where there was industry and there is no longer there is cynicism mixed with sarcasm and some optimism. That's how my background influenced my comedy.
Jim Gaffigan
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I feel guilty if I'm not reading books, but I read scripts of movies or things that I know I'm committed to that I'm going to do the project. I tell myself, I'm going to read this script like six times, and I only read it the initial time.
Jim Gaffigan