Quote

The appetizer is just an excuse for an extra meal. Let's see, I will start with the eighty buffalo wings.

Jim Gaffigan

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Jim Gaffigan
Age: 58
Born: 1966
Born: July 7
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Elgin
Illinois
James Christopher Gaffigan
Meals
Excuse
Appetizer
Wings
Appetizers
Start
Buffalo
Eighty
Meal
Extra
Extras

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Raising kids may be a thankless job with ridiculous hours, but at least the pay sucks.
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Some of my fear and anxieties surrounding faith, I think, provides some good comedy for my act.
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You ever talk about a movie with someone that read the book? They're always so condescending. 'Ah, the book was much better than the movie.' Oh really? What I enjoyed about the movie: no reading.
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I always want my standup act to appeal to everybody in the room, and when I started standup, and I would see people talk about their kids and their wife, and I'd always cringe a little bit, like, 'I can't get a date, I don't know what you're talking about.'
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I feel guilty if I'm not reading books, but I read scripts of movies or things that I know I'm committed to that I'm going to do the project. I tell myself, I'm going to read this script like six times, and I only read it the initial time.
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I guess the reasons against having more children always seem uninspiring and superficial. What exactly am I missing out on? Money? A few more hours of sleep? A more peaceful meal? More hair? These are nothing compared to what I get from these five monsters who rule my life.
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I never went to church when I was in college, either.
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I'm not saying that McDonald's gift certificates caused the obesity epidemic, but in retrospect, the timing is kind of suspicious.
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When you hear bacon cooking....that sizzling sound isn't the fat cooking....that's applause.
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My children have made me a better man, which is - in the end, that's probably more important than two more comedy specials or being in better shape.
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I'm an eccentric, silly, observational guy, but I'm not gonna frighten off social conservatives.
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I really don't care about birthdays. It's something where even as a kid, I never really felt comfortable when someone would sing to me.
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You know, I want to teach, but I don’t want to read?
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I believe that comedians do what they do, and then they get credit or criticism for doing it. There's nothing planned about this.
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Nursery schools and bars at 2 a.m. are the only places where it is completely normal if someone just spontaneously throws up on the floor...and just like a toddler, the bar patron wakes up the next day not remembering or caring how they behaved.
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I do just want to do jokes. I don't want to be a divisive figure.
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You ever buy a book and not read it? You feel almost guilty having it up on a bookshelf. People are like, Hey, how's that book? I haven't read it. Oh, did you just buy it? I've had it since high school. Well, can I borrow it? No.
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I usually don't have a burger, a brat, and a steak but it is 4th of July. And I need the energy if I'm gonna start blowin crap up. It's what the founding fathers would want.
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I like that in my audiences, there's a lesbian couple sitting next to a Mormon family.
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My faith kind of keeps me in touch with the idea that I'm not in control of things.
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