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Weight Watchers says nothing tastes better than thin feels. I can think of a thousand things that taste better than thin feels.

Jim Gaffigan

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Jim Gaffigan
Age: 58
Born: 1966
Born: July 7
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Elgin
Illinois
James Christopher Gaffigan
Thinking
Taste
Thousand
Says
Better
Nothing
Watchers
Feels
Tastes
Things
Thin
Think
Weight

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I watch a lot of TV, I drink a lot of coffee, but you know what's really addictive? Heroin.
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There has been this belief among the Catholic community - and this - I'm no expert, this is my opinion - that cafeteria Catholics are wrong.
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I've had plenty of friends tell me that their first time doing stand-up, they do well, and then they tank for a while after that. Kind of like the first time you do a drug, you're like, Huh! This is pretty darn good, and then you spend all your money trying to get the same high.
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I worked on USA Today as a topic for while. I tried to do something on hand chairs, chairs that look like hands. I really tried. But some topics are not truly universal.
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Imagine you're drowning, and someone hands you a baby.
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I never have free time, I don't know about you. You ever go to the cash machine, there's two people in line in front of you and you get kinda flustered, you're like Forget it! I'm not standing here for 40 seconds. I got things to do, okay?
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My faith kind of keeps me in touch with the idea that I'm not in control of things.
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That's not to say that I'm a well-informed Catholic. I'm still in idiot.
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There should be a children's song: 'If you're happy and you know it, keep it to yourself and let your dad sleep'.
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I would make sweet love to Don Rickles.
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The hardest part of the day is all the stuff after I open my eyes in the morning.
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The Pearly Gates. Am I the only one who finds it odd that Heaven has gates? What kind of neighborhood is Heaven in?
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In stand up, you get an awareness of how you come across, but in acting there is almost a hyper-awareness on how you might be physically perceived.
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I don't know if I'm the husky guy, but I'm the sexy guy who's a good kisser .
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Television's very much a writer's medium, as it probably should be, but if you're not the writer, then as the performer, you defer to that. It's just kind of how it's constructed. Is there some leeway? Yeah. But I also don't want to come across as a jerk.
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I've always been somebody that it takes me longer to learn things, but once I learn them... I'm like a quarterback that plays best in the fourth quarter.
Jim Gaffigan
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Well my chocolate is so good I could sell it in an obnoxious prism shape.
Jim Gaffigan
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I think it's important to control your opportunities, because in the entertainment world, it's not up to you. I'm not sitting here under this naïve belief that someone in Hollywood is going, Gaffigan! What kind of a show can I build around him? So you have to find things that can showcase your point of view.
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Kale is a superfood and it’s special power is tasting bad.
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I was raised in a family where my father was the first one to go to college.
Jim Gaffigan