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The hardest part of the day is all the stuff after I open my eyes in the morning.

Jim Gaffigan

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Jim Gaffigan
Age: 58
Born: 1966
Born: July 7
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Elgin
Illinois
James Christopher Gaffigan
Stuff
Part
Day
Hardest
Open
Eyes
Morning
Eye

More quotes by Jim Gaffigan

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My childhood best friend is an anesthesiologist. It's the least amount of human interaction for a doctor. I don't think you can get that burned out on it.
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Bacon bits are like the fairy dust of the food community.
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How dumb do I think the Americans are? I bet you we could sell those idiots water.
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I don't want to get involved in the culture war. Religion's iffy.
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You ever talk about a movie with someone that read the book? They're always so condescending. 'Ah, the book was much better than the movie.' Oh really? What I enjoyed about the movie: no reading.
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One of the benefits of eating salad is that you can eat tons of it and never be satisfied.
Jim Gaffigan
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I guess the reasons against having more children always seem uninspiring and superficial. What exactly am I missing out on? Money? A few more hours of sleep? A more peaceful meal? More hair? These are nothing compared to what I get from these five monsters who rule my life.
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I don't think comedians make an active decision to be a certain persona. Comedians write the way they're going to write.
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In stand up, you get an awareness of how you come across, but in acting there is almost a hyper-awareness on how you might be physically perceived.
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Lean Pockets, I don't even wanna know what's in those. I wonder what the directions are on a box of Lean Pockets: 'Remove from box, place directly in toilet.' Flush Pocket!
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My new years resolution? I will be less laz.
Jim Gaffigan
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I married a woman who loves to camp, and I am what you would call indoorsy... My wife always brings up, Camping's a tradition in my family. Hey, it was a tradition in everyone's family 'til we came up with the house.
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Is there a homeless guy built in to the design of Dunkin' Donuts? ...There'll be an entrance here... a deranged lunatic here.
Jim Gaffigan
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I'm an eccentric, silly, observational guy, but I'm not gonna frighten off social conservatives.
Jim Gaffigan
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For me, stand-up comedy is a conversation between me and the audience. I have to keep them listening. When I'm making jokes about cake for twenty minutes, I have to make sure my audience is interested and following where I'm going.
Jim Gaffigan
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Weight Watchers says nothing tastes better than thin feels. I can think of a thousand things that taste better than thin feels.
Jim Gaffigan
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Even when you hear about a comedian getting married, among comedians, we're always kind of like, what are they doing?
Jim Gaffigan
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I was looking at a bottle of water they have nutritional facts printed on the side. You know, I'm no chemist, but I have a rough idea what's in water.
Jim Gaffigan
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You wanna know how good bacon is? To improve other food, they wrap it in bacon.
Jim Gaffigan
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The appetizer is just an excuse for an extra meal. Let's see, I will start with the eighty buffalo wings.
Jim Gaffigan