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Deep frying a Twinkie makes it healthy, right?

Jim Gaffigan

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Jim Gaffigan
Age: 58
Born: 1966
Born: July 7
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Elgin
Illinois
James Christopher Gaffigan
Frying
Healthy
Deep
Makes
Right

More quotes by Jim Gaffigan

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I don't want to be a TV star for the sake of being on TV. I want to have a TV show that's based around my comedy.
Jim Gaffigan
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My wife always asks me why I don't make the bed. And I respond with the same reason why I don't tie my shoes after I take them off.
Jim Gaffigan
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I think it's important to control your opportunities, because in the entertainment world, it's not up to you. I'm not sitting here under this naïve belief that someone in Hollywood is going, Gaffigan! What kind of a show can I build around him? So you have to find things that can showcase your point of view.
Jim Gaffigan
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We wrote about having five kids and bringing them to church. A journalist at The Washington Post wrote this article where the headline was The New Catholic Evangelism Of Jim Gaffigan. And it was a bit terrifying.
Jim Gaffigan
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I've never eaten a Hot Pocket and then afterwards been, I'm glad I ate that. I'm always like, I'm gonna die.
Jim Gaffigan
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I saw this college team bowling championship. Each team had their own coach. What kind of strategy advice is a bowling coach giving? You know what? This time Timmy, I want you to knock down all the pins. You sure? Trust me. Just do it son!
Jim Gaffigan
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Oh. What if we eat a lot with people that annoy the hell out of us?
Jim Gaffigan
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There is the vegetarian Hot Pocket for those of us who don't want to eat meat, but would still like diarrhea.
Jim Gaffigan
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I think the worst professional advice I received was this kind of unspoken message of sit back and wait your turn, or sit back and wait and let other people do things.
Jim Gaffigan
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I like to think of bread as really bland cake.
Jim Gaffigan
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A lot of the teachings really kind of keep me grounded.
Jim Gaffigan
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I'm definitely hesitant wearing shorts during the summer. Like for a pale person, you know, summer - everyone in the world is so excited for summer, but pale people, we're just like, oh no.
Jim Gaffigan
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Whenever I'm out of town for at least a week, I feel like I should write a postcard or something, but you can be a genius, you try and write a postcard you come across like a moron anyway: 'This city's got big buildings. I like food. Bye.'
Jim Gaffigan
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Now don't get me wrong, I love animals, but I like eatin' 'em more... fun to pet, better to chew.
Jim Gaffigan
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Imagine you're drowning, and someone hands you a baby.
Jim Gaffigan
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Even when you hear about a comedian getting married, among comedians, we're always kind of like, what are they doing?
Jim Gaffigan
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Some of my fear and anxieties surrounding faith, I think, provides some good comedy for my act.
Jim Gaffigan
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What exactly are the ingredients of Ranch dressing? Mayo and disappointment?
Jim Gaffigan
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Television's very much a writer's medium, as it probably should be, but if you're not the writer, then as the performer, you defer to that. It's just kind of how it's constructed. Is there some leeway? Yeah. But I also don't want to come across as a jerk.
Jim Gaffigan
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I don't want people to think I believe in God.
Jim Gaffigan