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You ever mix two different groups of friends? That can be stressful. You always feel like you have to prep 'em. You're like, These people over here, uh, they don't think I drink. And don't be thrown by my British accent.

Jim Gaffigan

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Jim Gaffigan
Age: 58
Born: 1966
Born: July 7
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Elgin
Illinois
James Christopher Gaffigan
Like
Two
Ems
People
Ever
Thrown
Feel
British
Feels
Drink
Preps
Different
Groups
Prep
Always
Comedy
Stressful
Think
Friends
Accent
Thinking
Funny
Accents

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I never have free time, I don't know about you. You ever go to the cash machine, there's two people in line in front of you and you get kinda flustered, you're like Forget it! I'm not standing here for 40 seconds. I got things to do, okay?
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When I started stand-up - and this is in the '90s - there was definitely people hadn't watched decades of Comedy Central, where people are really much more educated on stand-up comedy.
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All I want to do is be a good dad, but I'm pretty bad at it.
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When our bed is made, it's covered in 40 pillows-like we're stockpiling ammo for the global pillow fight.
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Imagine you're drowning, and someone hands you a baby.
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Besides hot pockets keeps introducing new products every 10 minutes so I always have new stuff on the topic.
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Smiling babies should actually be categorized by the pharmaceutical industry as a powerful antidepressant.
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I spend way too much time on Facebook and MySpace to feel too uncomfortable at this. I like to think of the Internet as an effective way to waste time and time.
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I think it's important to control your opportunities, because in the entertainment world, it's not up to you. I'm not sitting here under this naïve belief that someone in Hollywood is going, Gaffigan! What kind of a show can I build around him? So you have to find things that can showcase your point of view.
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Have you seen the bologna that has the olives in it? Who's that for? 'I like my bologna like a martini. With an olive.' 'I'll have the bologna sandwich - dirty.'
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I went to a Catholic University and there's something about being a Catholic-American. You know, St. Patrick's Day is, I'm Irish-Catholic. There's alcoholism in my family. It's like I've got to be Catholic, right?
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I guess the reasons against having more children always seem uninspiring and superficial. What exactly am I missing out on? Money? A few more hours of sleep? A more peaceful meal? More hair? These are nothing compared to what I get from these five monsters who rule my life.
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I'm a comedian, which is the opposite of a lifestyle that equips you to be a parent.
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Even when you hear about a comedian getting married, among comedians, we're always kind of like, what are they doing?
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If I was on an airplane, the people in coach would know who I am. But no one in first class would know.
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Some of my fear and anxieties surrounding faith, I think, provides some good comedy for my act.
Jim Gaffigan
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I don't want people to think I believe in God.
Jim Gaffigan
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The whole idea of comedy, there is nothing normal about going up on stage to make strangers laugh. But I'm also not an exhibitionist like other comics. I'm not up there talking about masturbating.
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I'm bald, blind and pale. I'm like a gigantic recessive gene.
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I wouldn't say that comedy brought me away from it.I think that my idea of faith was another obligation in my life.
Jim Gaffigan