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My goal in life is to be as happy as a studio audience.
Jim Gaffigan
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Jim Gaffigan
Age: 58
Born: 1966
Born: July 7
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Elgin
Illinois
James Christopher Gaffigan
Funny
Life
Ironic
Studio
Studios
Comedy
Audience
Goal
Happy
More quotes by Jim Gaffigan
I'm much more interested in making people laugh than getting applause breaks.
Jim Gaffigan
I'm kind of like a guy who's missing a little bit of the guy gene. Like, I love steak, but the notion of golfing is the last thing I would want to do. I love women, but I'm also a mama's boy, and some of my best friends are women. So I'm kinda half guy's guy.
Jim Gaffigan
I never went to church when I was in college, either.
Jim Gaffigan
The whole idea of comedy, there is nothing normal about going up on stage to make strangers laugh. But I'm also not an exhibitionist like other comics. I'm not up there talking about masturbating.
Jim Gaffigan
Bacon is like the opposite of medicine. It's like, Take that, Lipitor.
Jim Gaffigan
Bacon's the best, even the frying of bacon sounds like an applause.
Jim Gaffigan
Once you put bacon into a salad it's no longer a salad, it just becomes a game of find the bacon in the lettuce. It's like you're panning for gold, hmmmmm, EUREKA!
Jim Gaffigan
The real question is should we trust people who don't like cheese?
Jim Gaffigan
Be more assertive with what you want to do.
Jim Gaffigan
I don't know about you, but when they first introduced bottled water, I thought it was so funny, I was like Bottled water! Haha, they're selling bottled water! ... I guess I'll try it. Ah, this is good, this is more watery than water. Yeah, this has got a water kick to it.
Jim Gaffigan
The only advantage to wearing glasses is that you can do that dramatic removal.
Jim Gaffigan
Thanksgiving. It's like we didn't even try to come up with a tradition. The tradition is, we overeat. 'Hey, how about at Thanksgiving we just eat a lot?' 'But we do that every day!' 'Oh. What if we eat a lot with people that annoy the hell out of us?'
Jim Gaffigan
The appetizer is just an excuse for an extra meal. Let's see, I will start with the eighty buffalo wings.
Jim Gaffigan
What exactly are the ingredients of Ranch dressing? Mayo and disappointment?
Jim Gaffigan
In stand up, you get an awareness of how you come across, but in acting there is almost a hyper-awareness on how you might be physically perceived.
Jim Gaffigan
There should be a children's song: 'If you're happy and you know it, keep it to yourself and let your dad sleep'.
Jim Gaffigan
Comedians kind of write what comes to them. You can give yourself little assignments, but it's what inspires you.
Jim Gaffigan
I married a woman who loves to camp, and I am what you would call indoorsy... My wife always brings up, Camping's a tradition in my family. Hey, it was a tradition in everyone's family 'til we came up with the house.
Jim Gaffigan
I had some jokes that were dirty. And some of it is when I started making appearances on Conan and Letterman back in the late '90s, I think. You had to remove the curse words, or you couldn't do some of the more explicit jokes.
Jim Gaffigan
I always seem to be chosen to do very flattering things like the beard comb over or go to the bathroom with the door open on Sex and the City or be the guy people meow at in Super Troopers. It's great for self esteem.
Jim Gaffigan
