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After you eat a Hot Pocket, Everything will taste like rubber for a month!
Jim Gaffigan
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Jim Gaffigan
Age: 58
Born: 1966
Born: July 7
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Elgin
Illinois
James Christopher Gaffigan
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Pockets
Month
Hot
Taste
Months
Comedy
Funny
Rubber
Everything
Pocket
More quotes by Jim Gaffigan
In stand up, you get an awareness of how you come across, but in acting there is almost a hyper-awareness on how you might be physically perceived.
Jim Gaffigan
Most of my material is , it doesn't necessarily involve a lot of editing. So even the show with the World Meeting of Families in Philadelphia, I don't have to worry about some of the material being inappropriate.
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I'd really like to promote my increasing consumption of bacon.
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Really, there are two types of people who go bowling. There are people who really, really love bowling. Then there are the people that are like: wouldnt it be hysterical if we went bowling?
Jim Gaffigan
What exactly are the ingredients of Ranch dressing? Mayo and disappointment?
Jim Gaffigan
Raising kids may be a thankless job with ridiculous hours, but at least the pay sucks.
Jim Gaffigan
Don't get caught up in other people's expectations. Don't take anything for granted, either.
Jim Gaffigan
Babies and toddlers are mostly what I've been exposed to at this point. I'm hoping parenting just gets much easier after this. It does, right?
Jim Gaffigan
I've never eaten a Hot Pocket and then afterwards been, I'm glad I ate that. I'm always like, I'm gonna die.
Jim Gaffigan
I just want to be known as funny.
Jim Gaffigan
I realized, in removing or rewriting these jokes, that often the jokes weren't done or that I was using, for me, the curse words as kind of a crutch. So then I just started writing.
Jim Gaffigan
This city has so many beautiful women. I fall in love like every ten minutes, I'm sitting on the subway, I'm like, There's my wife... there she is - oh, she's getting off. All right, there's the woman - all right, that's a man.
Jim Gaffigan
It's so obvious The Weather Channel is pro hurricane. Fair and balanced my ass.
Jim Gaffigan
The question is the primary form of communication for little kids.
Jim Gaffigan
You ever buy a book and not read it? You feel almost guilty having it up on a bookshelf. People are like, Hey, how's that book? I haven't read it. Oh, did you just buy it? I've had it since high school. Well, can I borrow it? No.
Jim Gaffigan
I had some jokes that were dirty. And some of it is when I started making appearances on Conan and Letterman back in the late '90s, I think. You had to remove the curse words, or you couldn't do some of the more explicit jokes.
Jim Gaffigan
If only opening a Vitamin Water could be classified as working out.
Jim Gaffigan
You could say that to the pope. I want to talk to you about Jesus. He'd be like, easy, freak.
Jim Gaffigan
If I was on an airplane, the people in coach would know who I am. But no one in first class would know.
Jim Gaffigan
I worked on USA Today as a topic for while. I tried to do something on hand chairs, chairs that look like hands. I really tried. But some topics are not truly universal.
Jim Gaffigan
