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Bacon is like the opposite of medicine. It's like, Take that, Lipitor.
Jim Gaffigan
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Jim Gaffigan
Age: 58
Born: 1966
Born: July 7
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Elgin
Illinois
James Christopher Gaffigan
Opposites
Medicine
Comedy
Funny
Take
Like
Bacon
Opposite
More quotes by Jim Gaffigan
Pie can't compete with cake. Put candles in a cake, it's a birthday cake. Put candles in a pie, someone's drunk in the kitchen.
Jim Gaffigan
Besides hot pockets keeps introducing new products every 10 minutes so I always have new stuff on the topic.
Jim Gaffigan
Sometimes being lazy can get you in trouble. You ever not take a shower all weekend, just lounge around, then you're running late for work on Monday? There's always one person at work: Something smells like smoke in here! Uh, I went to a barbeque on Friday night. Only had 48 hours to take a shower. Busy.
Jim Gaffigan
It's kind of hard to articulate, but, like, this notion of mercy, forgiveness, was very appealing for me. It was very profound. And it had a deep impact, and I think it still does.
Jim Gaffigan
What was the idea behind Hot Pockets? Was there a marketing meeting somewhere, 'Hey I got an idea: How about we take a Pop-Tart and fill it with really nasty meat? You could cook it in a sleeve thing, and you could dunk it in the toilet.'
Jim Gaffigan
I've had plenty of friends tell me that their first time doing stand-up, they do well, and then they tank for a while after that. Kind of like the first time you do a drug, you're like, Huh! This is pretty darn good, and then you spend all your money trying to get the same high.
Jim Gaffigan
My new years resolution? I will be less laz.
Jim Gaffigan
There are a lot of good looking men on this planet. It seems like once a week someone will tell me, I know someone who looks like you and I don't know what say to them except, Tell them hi.
Jim Gaffigan
I watch a lot of TV, I drink a lot of coffee, but you know what's really addictive? Heroin.
Jim Gaffigan
You wanna know how good bacon is? To improve other food, they wrap it in bacon.
Jim Gaffigan
There should be a children's song: 'If you're happy and you know it, keep it to yourself and let your dad sleep'.
Jim Gaffigan
I'm not saying that McDonald's gift certificates caused the obesity epidemic, but in retrospect, the timing is kind of suspicious.
Jim Gaffigan
They always give you three ketchup packets. When you go back up and ask for more, the guy handing them out always treats you like you're taking from his personal stash. Looks like my kids aren't having ketchup tonight.
Jim Gaffigan
I do just want to do jokes. I don't want to be a divisive figure.
Jim Gaffigan
I was able to make the jump to theaters without having a TV show. My passion for getting a TV show just plummeted. It was like I had already achieved what I wanted to achieve.
Jim Gaffigan
I'm a weirdo that goes on stage to make strangers laugh, but if I wasn't working, I would just want to be with my wife and kids. I don't even think I'd want to go out to dinner.
Jim Gaffigan
Television's very much a writer's medium, as it probably should be, but if you're not the writer, then as the performer, you defer to that. It's just kind of how it's constructed. Is there some leeway? Yeah. But I also don't want to come across as a jerk.
Jim Gaffigan
I never went to church when I was in college, either.
Jim Gaffigan
I always seem to be chosen to do very flattering things like the beard comb over or go to the bathroom with the door open on Sex and the City or be the guy people meow at in Super Troopers. It's great for self esteem.
Jim Gaffigan
Smiling babies should actually be categorized by the pharmaceutical industry as a powerful antidepressant.
Jim Gaffigan
