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Bacon is like the opposite of medicine. It's like, Take that, Lipitor.
Jim Gaffigan
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Jim Gaffigan
Age: 58
Born: 1966
Born: July 7
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Elgin
Illinois
James Christopher Gaffigan
Opposite
Opposites
Medicine
Comedy
Funny
Take
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Bacon
More quotes by Jim Gaffigan
When I'm in touch with the idea that there is a higher power and that there is, you know, other factors at work, it - it kind of quells my narcissism.
Jim Gaffigan
What exactly are the ingredients of Ranch dressing? Mayo and disappointment?
Jim Gaffigan
It really never came up, but I think that in present-day America, they're - you know, and I touched on it in the initial clip - is that we are in the middle of this culture war.
Jim Gaffigan
Really, there are two types of people who go bowling. There are people who really, really love bowling. Then there are the people that are like: wouldnt it be hysterical if we went bowling?
Jim Gaffigan
Jesus if you could cure our son's blindness that'd be great... And we'd love some shelves over there.
Jim Gaffigan
Smiling babies should actually be categorized by the pharmaceutical industry as a powerful antidepressant.
Jim Gaffigan
Thanksgiving is the most complicated meal you can think of. Every night, dinner is just pasta. It's just different shapes of pasta.
Jim Gaffigan
I was watching the Animal Planet. Did you know that the male seahorse has the baby? Why don't they just call that one the female?
Jim Gaffigan
I do want everyone to feel comfortable. That's why I'd like to talk to you about Jesus.
Jim Gaffigan
The question is the primary form of communication for little kids.
Jim Gaffigan
Whenever you correct someone's grammar just remember that nobody likes you.
Jim Gaffigan
I would say some of the food I talk about that I really enjoy, like cake and bacon, I eat a lot less than I portray in my act. But that stuff that I dislike, it's pretty sincere.
Jim Gaffigan
I'm a guy who comes from a small town in the Midwest. It's not in my nature to say the most explicit things in public.
Jim Gaffigan
For stand-up comedians that go onstage and get to write and perform and direct, and do all these things, the allure of a television show is still there but if it doesn't offer a level of creative fulfillment, it's oddly unappealing.
Jim Gaffigan
My new years resolution? I will be less laz.
Jim Gaffigan
I don't know what's more exhausting about parenting: the getting up early, or acting like you know what you're doing.
Jim Gaffigan
I would make sweet love to Don Rickles.
Jim Gaffigan
Kale is a superfood and it’s special power is tasting bad.
Jim Gaffigan
I saw this college team bowling championship. Each team had their own coach. What kind of strategy advice is a bowling coach giving? You know what? This time Timmy, I want you to knock down all the pins. You sure? Trust me. Just do it son!
Jim Gaffigan
The Pearly Gates. Am I the only one who finds it odd that Heaven has gates? What kind of neighborhood is Heaven in?
Jim Gaffigan
