Quote

If you're a guy over 30 by yourself in the hotel pool, you automatically look like a murderer who's just relaxing after he strangled a family. Yeah-that dad was a tough one to kill.

Jim Gaffigan

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Jim Gaffigan
Age: 58
Born: 1966
Born: July 7
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Elgin
Illinois
James Christopher Gaffigan
Look
Dad
Looks
Yeah
Like
Kill
Strangled
Tough
Relaxing
Comedy
Automatically
Guy
Murderer
Funny
Pool
Family
Hotel

More quotes by Jim Gaffigan

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Deep frying a Twinkie makes it healthy, right?
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What was the idea behind Hot Pockets? Was there a marketing meeting somewhere, 'Hey I got an idea: How about we take a Pop-Tart and fill it with really nasty meat? You could cook it in a sleeve thing, and you could dunk it in the toilet.'
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I think being a doctor is really hard, and it's really this thankless, never-ending job. It's not even that you get done with a project. There are always sick people.
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I don't know what's more exhausting about parenting: the getting up early, or acting like you know what you're doing.
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Faith is something that's - it's hard to articulate. It's - there's - it's not based on logic.
Jim Gaffigan
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Steakhouses sort of have this old-school nature to them they're like museums full of good food. It's fun hearing the waiter share his expertise on the different cuts of beef and how they're going to cut up your baked potato.
Jim Gaffigan
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There are a lot of good looking men on this planet. It seems like once a week someone will tell me, I know someone who looks like you and I don't know what say to them except, Tell them hi.
Jim Gaffigan
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My children have made me a better man, which is - in the end, that's probably more important than two more comedy specials or being in better shape.
Jim Gaffigan
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There has been this belief among the Catholic community - and this - I'm no expert, this is my opinion - that cafeteria Catholics are wrong.
Jim Gaffigan
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I think growing up in Indiana prepares anyone for a life in comedy. I do feel like there is a certain kind of self-effacing cynicism among all Hoosiers.
Jim Gaffigan
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Whenever one of my children says, 'Goodnight, Daddy,' I always think to myself, 'You don't mean that.
Jim Gaffigan
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I believe that comedians do what they do, and then they get credit or criticism for doing it. There's nothing planned about this.
Jim Gaffigan
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Whenever I'm out of town for at least a week, I feel like I should write a postcard or something, but you can be a genius, you try and write a postcard you come across like a moron anyway: 'This city's got big buildings. I like food. Bye.'
Jim Gaffigan
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After you eat a Hot Pocket, Everything will taste like rubber for a month!
Jim Gaffigan
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I didn't realize how much of a Hoosier or a Midwesterner I was until I moved to New York. It's weird - growing up in Indiana, I wanted to get out, and now I completely romanticize Indiana. It just seems like there's a greater focus on family back there, which I suppose is something that kind of stayed with me.
Jim Gaffigan
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I curse in everyday life, but usually when I stub my toe. The topics I'm discussing, it's not necessary to curse. I found [cursing] is a sign that a joke is not finished or well-written.
Jim Gaffigan
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As an actor, you deal with so much rejection and humiliation. When the good things come around, you tend not to trust your instincts.
Jim Gaffigan
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The real question is should we trust people who don't like cheese?
Jim Gaffigan
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How dumb do I think the Americans are? I bet you we could sell those idiots water.
Jim Gaffigan
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Boutique hotels are great, but they get too cute. Some hotels have shoe polish. It's like, come on, this isn't 1960. No one's polishing their shoes.
Jim Gaffigan