Quote

How did we get to the point where we're paying for bottled water? That must have been some weird marketing meeting over in France. Some French guy's sitting there, like, How dumb do I think the Americans are? I bet you we could sell those idiots water.

Jim Gaffigan

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Jim Gaffigan
Age: 58
Born: 1966
Born: July 7
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Elgin
Illinois
James Christopher Gaffigan
France
Bottled
Guy
Sell
Idiots
Point
Sells
Paying
Water
Meetings
Meeting
Funny
Weird
French
Must
Americans
Idiot
Think
Marketing
Thinking
Sitting
Dumb
Like
Comedy

More quotes by Jim Gaffigan

Image
I'm there to make people laugh. I'm not trying to come across as sexy.
Jim Gaffigan
Image
I was watching the Animal Planet. Did you know that the male seahorse has the baby? Why don't they just call that one the female?
Jim Gaffigan
Image
I've had plenty of friends tell me that their first time doing stand-up, they do well, and then they tank for a while after that. Kind of like the first time you do a drug, you're like, Huh! This is pretty darn good, and then you spend all your money trying to get the same high.
Jim Gaffigan
Image
We wrote about having five kids and bringing them to church. A journalist at The Washington Post wrote this article where the headline was The New Catholic Evangelism Of Jim Gaffigan. And it was a bit terrifying.
Jim Gaffigan
Image
I would make sweet love to Don Rickles.
Jim Gaffigan
Image
There is the vegetarian Hot Pocket for those of us who don't want to eat meat, but would still like diarrhea.
Jim Gaffigan
Image
Lifetime is television for women. Yet for some reason, there's always a woman getting beaten on that channel. In a Lifetime original, Meredith Baxter-Berney gets beaten with a rod. In a Lifetime original, Rod.
Jim Gaffigan
Image
Pie can't compete with cake. Put candles in a cake, it's a birthday cake. Put candles in a pie, someone's drunk in the kitchen.
Jim Gaffigan
Image
I married a woman who loves to camp, and I am what you would call indoorsy... My wife always brings up, Camping's a tradition in my family. Hey, it was a tradition in everyone's family 'til we came up with the house.
Jim Gaffigan
Image
I would say some of the food I talk about that I really enjoy, like cake and bacon, I eat a lot less than I portray in my act. But that stuff that I dislike, it's pretty sincere.
Jim Gaffigan
Image
I am a guy who talks about bacon and escalators. Stand-up comedy is very much a conversation. It's very personal, stylistically.
Jim Gaffigan
Image
Lean Pockets, I don't even wanna know what's in those. I wonder what the directions are on a box of Lean Pockets: 'Remove from box, place directly in toilet.' Flush Pocket!
Jim Gaffigan
Image
What exactly are the ingredients of Ranch dressing? Mayo and disappointment?
Jim Gaffigan
Image
I do want everyone to feel comfortable. That's why I'd like to talk to you about Jesus.
Jim Gaffigan
Image
Bacon's the best, even the frying of bacon sounds like an applause.
Jim Gaffigan
Image
That's not to say that I'm a well-informed Catholic. I'm still in idiot.
Jim Gaffigan
Image
When our bed is made, it's covered in 40 pillows-like we're stockpiling ammo for the global pillow fight.
Jim Gaffigan
Image
That's my private business. Besides, the perception is that people that believe in God are stupid.
Jim Gaffigan
Image
Oh. What if we eat a lot with people that annoy the hell out of us?
Jim Gaffigan
Image
Some of my fear and anxieties surrounding faith, I think, provides some good comedy for my act.
Jim Gaffigan