Quote

Have you seen the bologna that has the olives in it? Who's that for? 'I like my bologna like a martini. With an olive.' 'I'll have the bologna sandwich - dirty.'

Jim Gaffigan

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Jim Gaffigan
Age: 58
Born: 1966
Born: July 7
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Elgin
Illinois
James Christopher Gaffigan
Sandwiches
Dirty
Humor
Seen
Bologna
Funny
Olive
Like
Martini
Olives
Sandwich

More quotes by Jim Gaffigan

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I'm bald, blind and pale. I'm like a gigantic recessive gene.
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Whenever you correct someone's grammar just remember that nobody likes you.
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You could say that to the pope. I want to talk to you about Jesus. He'd be like, easy, freak.
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You ever talk about a movie with someone that read the book? They're always so condescending. 'Ah, the book was much better than the movie.' Oh really? What I enjoyed about the movie: no reading.
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I try to only eat animals that are vegan. I'm probably the opposite of a vegan.
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What was the idea behind Hot Pockets? Was there a marketing meeting somewhere, 'Hey I got an idea: How about we take a Pop-Tart and fill it with really nasty meat? You could cook it in a sleeve thing, and you could dunk it in the toilet.'
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You wanna know how good bacon is? To improve other food, they wrap it in bacon.
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I think growing up in Indiana prepares anyone for a life in comedy. I do feel like there is a certain kind of self-effacing cynicism among all Hoosiers.
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As an actor, you deal with so much rejection and humiliation. When the good things come around, you tend not to trust your instincts.
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I went to a Catholic University and there's something about being a Catholic-American. You know, St. Patrick's Day is, I'm Irish-Catholic. There's alcoholism in my family. It's like I've got to be Catholic, right?
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I think comedians get too much credit or too much criticism for the style of comedy they do, and they generally do the style of comedy that works for them. [...] There's no kind of shrewd calculation going into the type of standup we all do. It's like David Cross is supposed to be doing the David Cross' type of standup.
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Whenever I'm out of town for at least a week, I feel like I should write a postcard or something, but you can be a genius, you try and write a postcard you come across like a moron anyway: 'This city's got big buildings. I like food. Bye.'
Jim Gaffigan
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You can never find the right bowling ball. This one's too heavy. This one's good but its pink!
Jim Gaffigan
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I would say that now I'm somebody who goes to church.
Jim Gaffigan
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I spend way too much time on Facebook and MySpace to feel too uncomfortable at this. I like to think of the Internet as an effective way to waste time and time.
Jim Gaffigan
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I had some jokes that were dirty. And some of it is when I started making appearances on Conan and Letterman back in the late '90s, I think. You had to remove the curse words, or you couldn't do some of the more explicit jokes.
Jim Gaffigan
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You know, I want to teach, but I don’t want to read?
Jim Gaffigan
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Raising kids may be a thankless job with ridiculous hours, but at least the pay sucks.
Jim Gaffigan
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Deep frying a Twinkie makes it healthy, right?
Jim Gaffigan
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I wouldn't say that comedy brought me away from it.I think that my idea of faith was another obligation in my life.
Jim Gaffigan