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I see some people with glasses here, I trust people with glasses, don't you? But if you're wearing your glasses like this ... Get away from 'em!

Jim Gaffigan

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Jim Gaffigan
Age: 58
Born: 1966
Born: July 7
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Elgin
Illinois
James Christopher Gaffigan
Glasses
Humor
Trust
Funny
Away
Like
People
Ems
Wearing

More quotes by Jim Gaffigan

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We wrote about having five kids and bringing them to church. A journalist at The Washington Post wrote this article where the headline was The New Catholic Evangelism Of Jim Gaffigan. And it was a bit terrifying.
Jim Gaffigan
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I don't want to be a TV star for the sake of being on TV. I want to have a TV show that's based around my comedy.
Jim Gaffigan
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Who was the first person to walk into a harbor and say, Whatever that horrible smell is I want to eat it
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Some people that work for Hot Pockets came to my Denver Paramount Theater show. They brought these hot pocket boxes the size of suit cases for me to sign. I wrote these are WMD's on the boxes. The HP people seem to have a good sense of humor about all of it.
Jim Gaffigan
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I don't think comedians make an active decision to be a certain persona. Comedians write the way they're going to write.
Jim Gaffigan
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I grew up in a Catholic family in the Midwest. And I knew people of different faiths and people that were atheists and people that were agnostic.
Jim Gaffigan
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Is there a homeless guy built in to the design of Dunkin' Donuts? ...There'll be an entrance here... a deranged lunatic here.
Jim Gaffigan
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Most of my material is , it doesn't necessarily involve a lot of editing. So even the show with the World Meeting of Families in Philadelphia, I don't have to worry about some of the material being inappropriate.
Jim Gaffigan
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Some of my fear and anxieties surrounding faith, I think, provides some good comedy for my act.
Jim Gaffigan
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I saw this college team bowling championship. Each team had their own coach. What kind of strategy advice is a bowling coach giving? You know what? This time Timmy, I want you to knock down all the pins. You sure? Trust me. Just do it son!
Jim Gaffigan
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I love how New York is so multicultural. I wish I was ethnic, I'm nothing. Because if you're Hispanic and you get angry, people are like, 'He's got a Latin temper!' If you're a white guy and you get angry, people are like, 'That guy's a jerk.'
Jim Gaffigan
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How dumb do I think the Americans are? I bet you we could sell those idiots water.
Jim Gaffigan
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The question is the primary form of communication for little kids.
Jim Gaffigan
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I would say that now I'm somebody who goes to church.
Jim Gaffigan
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A lot of the teachings really kind of keep me grounded.
Jim Gaffigan
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The only advantage to wearing glasses is that you can do that dramatic removal.
Jim Gaffigan
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Well my chocolate is so good I could sell it in an obnoxious prism shape.
Jim Gaffigan
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Nursery schools and bars at 2 a.m. are the only places where it is completely normal if someone just spontaneously throws up on the floor...and just like a toddler, the bar patron wakes up the next day not remembering or caring how they behaved.
Jim Gaffigan
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Kale is a superfood and it’s special power is tasting bad.
Jim Gaffigan
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It's weird, I love acting and stand-up is a very unique, solitary thing where you are the writer, performer and director. But acting is incredibly rewarding, working and interacting with people to create funny moments. I can't imagine not doing acting or stand-up, I really enjoy both of them that much.
Jim Gaffigan