Quote

Sometimes being lazy can get you in trouble. You ever not take a shower all weekend, just lounge around, then you're running late for work on Monday? There's always one person at work: Something smells like smoke in here! Uh, I went to a barbeque on Friday night. Only had 48 hours to take a shower. Busy.

Jim Gaffigan

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Jim Gaffigan
Age: 58
Born: 1966
Born: July 7
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Elgin
Illinois
James Christopher Gaffigan
Sometimes
Funny
Smoke
Lounge
Work
Running
Smell
Smells
Night
Busy
Shower
Something
Around
Late
Showers
Always
Persons
Humor
Monday
Like
Person
Trouble
Friday
Ever
Went
Weekend
Take
Hours
Lazy
Barbeque

More quotes by Jim Gaffigan

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I live in New York City, but it doesn't matter if you're in any large, metropolitan area, there's kind of a little bit of survival-of-the-fittest, so when you encounter kindness or people going out of their way in an empathetic way, it's almost startling.
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One of the benefits of eating salad is that you can eat tons of it and never be satisfied.
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I do have some Catholic stuff that is done from the perspective of an ignorant Catholic. But other than that, topic-wise, there's nothing really filthy.
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My childhood best friend is an anesthesiologist. It's the least amount of human interaction for a doctor. I don't think you can get that burned out on it.
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I love sleep. I need sleep. We all do, of course. There are those people that don't need sleep. I think they're called 'successful.
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I like bowling. It's just one of those things where I can do so many jokes about it because I do know bowling. Somebody once said, The whitest things in the world are Jim Gaffigan and bowling.
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I do want everyone to feel comfortable. That's why I'd like to talk to you about Jesus.
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I got up early because I wanted to. - Nobody
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Wouldn't it have been weird to go to high school with the Pope? You know, somebody did, someone's sitting at home, watching TV in Poland, they see the Pope, they think, That guy was a jerk! He was so mean to me and now he's Pope? I got a swirly from the Pope!
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I just want to be known as funny.
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Smiling babies should actually be categorized by the pharmaceutical industry as a powerful antidepressant.
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I am a guy who talks about bacon and escalators. Stand-up comedy is very much a conversation. It's very personal, stylistically.
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If only opening a Vitamin Water could be classified as working out.
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I would make sweet love to Don Rickles.
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You wanna know how good bacon is? To improve other food, they wrap it in bacon.
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The Pearly Gates. Am I the only one who finds it odd that Heaven has gates? What kind of neighborhood is Heaven in?
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I'm a guy who comes from a small town in the Midwest. It's not in my nature to say the most explicit things in public.
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As an actor, you deal with so much rejection and humiliation. When the good things come around, you tend not to trust your instincts.
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I worked on USA Today as a topic for while. I tried to do something on hand chairs, chairs that look like hands. I really tried. But some topics are not truly universal.
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There are some people who know who I am but there are a lot of people that have no idea who I am - which is not to say that that's a bad thing.
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