Share
×
Inspirational Quotes
Authors
Professions
Topics
Tags
Quote
I like to think of bread as really bland cake.
Jim Gaffigan
Share
Change background
T
T
T
Change font
Original
TAGS & TOPICS
Jim Gaffigan
Age: 58
Born: 1966
Born: July 7
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Elgin
Illinois
James Christopher Gaffigan
Cake
Bread
Really
Think
Thinking
Like
Bland
Dessert
More quotes by Jim Gaffigan
It's like in most parts of America, where there was industry and there is no longer there is cynicism mixed with sarcasm and some optimism. That's how my background influenced my comedy.
Jim Gaffigan
I'm kind of like a guy who's missing a little bit of the guy gene. Like, I love steak, but the notion of golfing is the last thing I would want to do. I love women, but I'm also a mama's boy, and some of my best friends are women. So I'm kinda half guy's guy.
Jim Gaffigan
Now that I'm married and have two beautiful children, it really makes me appreciate... being alone.
Jim Gaffigan
I realized, in removing or rewriting these jokes, that often the jokes weren't done or that I was using, for me, the curse words as kind of a crutch. So then I just started writing.
Jim Gaffigan
What was the idea behind Hot Pockets? Was there a marketing meeting somewhere, 'Hey I got an idea: How about we take a Pop-Tart and fill it with really nasty meat? You could cook it in a sleeve thing, and you could dunk it in the toilet.'
Jim Gaffigan
Besides hot pockets keeps introducing new products every 10 minutes so I always have new stuff on the topic.
Jim Gaffigan
This city has so many beautiful women. I fall in love like every ten minutes, I'm sitting on the subway, I'm like, There's my wife... there she is - oh, she's getting off. All right, there's the woman - all right, that's a man.
Jim Gaffigan
There are some people who know who I am but there are a lot of people that have no idea who I am - which is not to say that that's a bad thing.
Jim Gaffigan
How about those people who don't need sleep? What are they called again? Successful? What a bunch of dicks they are.
Jim Gaffigan
Well my chocolate is so good I could sell it in an obnoxious prism shape.
Jim Gaffigan
Wouldn't it have been weird to go to high school with the Pope? You know, somebody did, someone's sitting at home, watching TV in Poland, they see the Pope, they think, That guy was a jerk! He was so mean to me and now he's Pope? I got a swirly from the Pope!
Jim Gaffigan
I think I have a lot of voices in my head and I guess my inner critic is a female.
Jim Gaffigan
One of the benefits of eating salad is that you can eat tons of it and never be satisfied.
Jim Gaffigan
I think being a doctor is really hard, and it's really this thankless, never-ending job. It's not even that you get done with a project. There are always sick people.
Jim Gaffigan
How dumb do I think the Americans are? I bet you we could sell those idiots water.
Jim Gaffigan
We wrote about having five kids and bringing them to church. A journalist at The Washington Post wrote this article where the headline was The New Catholic Evangelism Of Jim Gaffigan. And it was a bit terrifying.
Jim Gaffigan
I'm not a foodie I'm an eatie. I don't have anything against foodies. I just don't have the time or the interest to do that much research.
Jim Gaffigan
I'd have to say Sunset Salsa. Nothing against Honey Lime, but it's for losers.
Jim Gaffigan
I just want to be known as funny.
Jim Gaffigan
Have you seen the bologna that has the olives in it? Who's that for? 'I like my bologna like a martini. With an olive.' 'I'll have the bologna sandwich - dirty.'
Jim Gaffigan
