Quote

I always want my standup act to appeal to everybody in the room, and when I started standup, and I would see people talk about their kids and their wife, and I'd always cringe a little bit, like, 'I can't get a date, I don't know what you're talking about.'

Jim Gaffigan

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Jim Gaffigan
Age: 58
Born: 1966
Born: July 7
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Elgin
Illinois
James Christopher Gaffigan
Talking
Appeals
Kids
Room
Littles
Rooms
Little
Started
Always
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Cringe
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More quotes by Jim Gaffigan

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I've had plenty of friends tell me that their first time doing stand-up, they do well, and then they tank for a while after that. Kind of like the first time you do a drug, you're like, Huh! This is pretty darn good, and then you spend all your money trying to get the same high.
Jim Gaffigan
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I think being a doctor is really hard, and it's really this thankless, never-ending job. It's not even that you get done with a project. There are always sick people.
Jim Gaffigan
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For me, it's always a little sad getting out of bed. Every morning after I get up, I always gaze longingly at my bed and lament, 'You were wonderful last night. I didn't want it to end. I can't wait to see you again.
Jim Gaffigan
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Don't get caught up in other people's expectations. Don't take anything for granted, either.
Jim Gaffigan
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I was always told that Hoosier came from when settlers in the state, when a stranger came on their property they'd say, Who's there? Who's there? So people that were from Indiana were the people that said Who's there? But what do I know? I don't read or interact with people outside the Internet.
Jim Gaffigan
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Bacon's the best, even the frying of bacon sounds like an applause.
Jim Gaffigan
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Imagine you're drowning, and someone hands you a baby.
Jim Gaffigan
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The real question is should we trust people who don't like cheese?
Jim Gaffigan
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I curse in everyday life, but usually when I stub my toe. The topics I'm discussing, it's not necessary to curse. I found [cursing] is a sign that a joke is not finished or well-written.
Jim Gaffigan
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I don't think comedians make an active decision to be a certain persona. Comedians write the way they're going to write.
Jim Gaffigan
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Some people have their own bowling ball and their own bowling shoes... and no friends.
Jim Gaffigan
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Kale is a superfood and it’s special power is tasting bad.
Jim Gaffigan
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How dumb do I think the Americans are? I bet you we could sell those idiots water.
Jim Gaffigan
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Comedy is a very lucrative business now, but when everyone first went into it, it didn't make sense from a financial standpoint.
Jim Gaffigan
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I'd been acting and doing stand-up in New York about eight years, getting rejected, and I finally got the opportunity to do stand-up on Letterman, which holds even more importance for me. With comedians, that's definitely the pinnacle, but being from Indiana, it was a big to-do.
Jim Gaffigan
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I'm there to make people laugh. I'm not trying to come across as sexy.
Jim Gaffigan
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What exactly are the ingredients of Ranch dressing? Mayo and disappointment?
Jim Gaffigan
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I had some jokes that were dirty. And some of it is when I started making appearances on Conan and Letterman back in the late '90s, I think. You had to remove the curse words, or you couldn't do some of the more explicit jokes.
Jim Gaffigan
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How about those people who don't need sleep? What are they called again? Successful? What a bunch of dicks they are.
Jim Gaffigan
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Once you identify yourself as believing something, you open yourself to ridicule.
Jim Gaffigan