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I believe that comedians do what they do, and then they get credit or criticism for doing it. There's nothing planned about this.

Jim Gaffigan

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Jim Gaffigan
Age: 58
Born: 1966
Born: July 7
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Elgin
Illinois
James Christopher Gaffigan
Criticism
Nothing
Believe
Comedians
Planned
Comedian
Credit

More quotes by Jim Gaffigan

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Most of my material is , it doesn't necessarily involve a lot of editing. So even the show with the World Meeting of Families in Philadelphia, I don't have to worry about some of the material being inappropriate.
Jim Gaffigan
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Comedians kind of write what comes to them. You can give yourself little assignments, but it's what inspires you.
Jim Gaffigan
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Don't you expect a rainbow coming out of the tub of bacon strips at the end of the buffet line?
Jim Gaffigan
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I don't know what's more exhausting about parenting: the getting up early, or acting like you know what you're doing.
Jim Gaffigan
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I just want to be known as funny.
Jim Gaffigan
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After you eat a Hot Pocket, Everything will taste like rubber for a month!
Jim Gaffigan
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I got up early because I wanted to. - Nobody
Jim Gaffigan
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I'm not saying that McDonald's gift certificates caused the obesity epidemic, but in retrospect, the timing is kind of suspicious.
Jim Gaffigan
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If only opening a Vitamin Water could be classified as working out.
Jim Gaffigan
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Some fast food places, they have that ketchup pump. It's like a keg. They give you the paper shot glass. I always like to hang around there, try and meet the ladies. Here, I'll pump for you. You come to this Wendy's often? My roommate and I, we got a pony pump back at my dorm. Here's an extra shot
Jim Gaffigan
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Smiling babies should actually be categorized by the pharmaceutical industry as a powerful antidepressant.
Jim Gaffigan
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Whenever I'm out of town for at least a week, I feel like I should write a postcard or something, but you can be a genius, you try and write a postcard you come across like a moron anyway: 'This city's got big buildings. I like food. Bye.'
Jim Gaffigan
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Wouldn't it have been weird to go to high school with the Pope? You know, somebody did, someone's sitting at home, watching TV in Poland, they see the Pope, they think, That guy was a jerk! He was so mean to me and now he's Pope? I got a swirly from the Pope!
Jim Gaffigan
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I usually don't have a burger, a brat, and a steak but it is 4th of July. And I need the energy if I'm gonna start blowin crap up. It's what the founding fathers would want.
Jim Gaffigan
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There's something about being a parent that has, I think, made me a better comedian.
Jim Gaffigan
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I'm definitely hesitant wearing shorts during the summer. Like for a pale person, you know, summer - everyone in the world is so excited for summer, but pale people, we're just like, oh no.
Jim Gaffigan
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You ever talk about a movie with someone that read the book? They're always so condescending. 'Ah, the book was much better than the movie.' Oh really? What I enjoyed about the movie: no reading.
Jim Gaffigan
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I feel guilty if I'm not reading books, but I read scripts of movies or things that I know I'm committed to that I'm going to do the project. I tell myself, I'm going to read this script like six times, and I only read it the initial time.
Jim Gaffigan
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Is there a homeless guy built in to the design of Dunkin' Donuts? ...There'll be an entrance here... a deranged lunatic here.
Jim Gaffigan
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The only advantage to wearing glasses is that you can do that dramatic removal.
Jim Gaffigan