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For me, it's always a little sad getting out of bed. Every morning after I get up, I always gaze longingly at my bed and lament, 'You were wonderful last night. I didn't want it to end. I can't wait to see you again.
Jim Gaffigan
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Jim Gaffigan
Age: 58
Born: 1966
Born: July 7
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Elgin
Illinois
James Christopher Gaffigan
Littles
Morning
Little
Waiting
Every
Getting
Longingly
Always
Lasts
Lament
Last
Gaze
Night
Bed
Didn
Wait
Ends
Wonderful
More quotes by Jim Gaffigan
I only dated one Asian girl, but she was very Asian. She was a panda.
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Do you ever leave a message for somebody and the answering machine cuts you off, and you have to decide whether you should not call back, or call back and appear like a stalker? Hi. It's me again. I forgot to tell you that I'm going to kill you. Because I'm the freak who keeps calling and calling.
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Faith is something that's - it's hard to articulate. It's - there's - it's not based on logic.
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I told my son, who's 11, Look, I don't care if you curse - it's other people that care. So we tried that experiment, and he just cursed all the time. And I was like, All right, now I care that you curse. You try to have this idealized view, and it's like, I don't care. But it's just going to cause chaos.
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I try to only eat animals that are vegan. I'm probably the opposite of a vegan.
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I never went to church when I was in college, either.
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I love how New York is so multicultural. I wish I was ethnic, I'm nothing. Because if you're Hispanic and you get angry, people are like, 'He's got a Latin temper!' If you're a white guy and you get angry, people are like, 'That guy's a jerk.'
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Don't take this the wrong way but I care more and I'm a better online friend than you. I also spend way to much time online.
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Bacon's the best, even the frying of bacon sounds like an applause.
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Have you seen the bologna that has the olives in it? Who's that for? 'I like my bologna like a martini. With an olive.' 'I'll have the bologna sandwich - dirty.'
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There should be a children's song: 'If you're happy and you know it, keep it to yourself and let your dad sleep'.
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Failing and laughing at your own shortcomings are the hallmarks of a sane parent.
Jim Gaffigan
I am a guy who talks about bacon and escalators. Stand-up comedy is very much a conversation. It's very personal, stylistically.
Jim Gaffigan
The hardest part of the day is all the stuff after I open my eyes in the morning.
Jim Gaffigan
You ever get a postcard, you get so excited you don't even read it! Hey I got a - who cares.
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I love writing stand-up so much and tinkering and looking for ideas.
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