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Smiling babies should actually be categorized by the pharmaceutical industry as a powerful antidepressant.
Jim Gaffigan
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Jim Gaffigan
Age: 58
Born: 1966
Born: July 7
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Elgin
Illinois
James Christopher Gaffigan
Babies
Baby
Industry
Powerful
Antidepressant
Actually
Categorized
Antidepressants
Pharmaceutical
Smiling
More quotes by Jim Gaffigan
My childhood best friend is an anesthesiologist. It's the least amount of human interaction for a doctor. I don't think you can get that burned out on it.
Jim Gaffigan
Television's very much a writer's medium, as it probably should be, but if you're not the writer, then as the performer, you defer to that. It's just kind of how it's constructed. Is there some leeway? Yeah. But I also don't want to come across as a jerk.
Jim Gaffigan
Kale is a superfood and it’s special power is tasting bad.
Jim Gaffigan
Why would a lazy guy become a parent of five? Then again, why would creative people who inherently don't like change and criticism become writers, actors, or comedians? There's something about this process. I joke about it: My kids have made me a better person, and I only need, like, 34 more of them to be a really good guy.
Jim Gaffigan
Bacon is like the opposite of medicine. It's like, Take that, Lipitor.
Jim Gaffigan
For me, stand-up comedy is a conversation between me and the audience. I have to keep them listening. When I'm making jokes about cake for twenty minutes, I have to make sure my audience is interested and following where I'm going.
Jim Gaffigan
The whole idea of comedy, there is nothing normal about going up on stage to make strangers laugh. But I'm also not an exhibitionist like other comics. I'm not up there talking about masturbating.
Jim Gaffigan
I don't want to be a TV star for the sake of being on TV. I want to have a TV show that's based around my comedy.
Jim Gaffigan
My faith kind of keeps me in touch with the idea that I'm not in control of things.
Jim Gaffigan
I'd really like to promote my increasing consumption of bacon.
Jim Gaffigan
I was watching the Animal Planet. Did you know that the male seahorse has the baby? Why don't they just call that one the female?
Jim Gaffigan
You ever talk about a movie with someone that read the book? They're always so condescending. 'Ah, the book was much better than the movie.' Oh really? What I enjoyed about the movie: no reading.
Jim Gaffigan
Raising kids may be a thankless job with ridiculous hours, but at least the pay sucks.
Jim Gaffigan
Whenever you go out to eat you gotta get the appetizer. 'Cause the appetizer's just an excuse for an extra meal. You're always like Lets see, I will start with the 80 buffalo wings...and do you have a low-cal blue cheese? 'Cause I don't wanna fill up too much.
Jim Gaffigan
My goal in life is to be as happy as a studio audience.
Jim Gaffigan
Be more assertive with what you want to do.
Jim Gaffigan
You know, I want to teach, but I don’t want to read?
Jim Gaffigan
Stand-up is so rewarding, and I enjoy the acting opportunities I've had, but the only time I really feel bad is when I feel like I have this manufactured belief that I should be doing something else or there should be some type of recognition. On an intellectual level, I know it's stupid.
Jim Gaffigan
It's not as if ten years ago, we were like, 'I wish I could take low quality photos of my dessert.'
Jim Gaffigan
My whole comic persona is that of a guy who explores the id: I romanticize gluttony, I romanticize laziness, and people identify with that.
Jim Gaffigan