Quote

The whole idea of comedy, there is nothing normal about going up on stage to make strangers laugh. But I'm also not an exhibitionist like other comics. I'm not up there talking about masturbating.

Jim Gaffigan

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Jim Gaffigan
Age: 58
Born: 1966
Born: July 7
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Elgin
Illinois
James Christopher Gaffigan
Comics
Idea
Stranger
Also
Laugh
Ideas
Normal
Nothing
Laughing
Whole
Comedy
Masturbating
Going
Stage
Exhibitionist
Make
Strangers
Like
Talking

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Kale is a superfood and it’s special power is tasting bad.
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I'd have to say Sunset Salsa. Nothing against Honey Lime, but it's for losers.
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I was looking at a bottle of water they have nutritional facts printed on the side. You know, I'm no chemist, but I have a rough idea what's in water.
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A lot of people are like, You're doing commercials? And I honestly feel like those Sierra Mist commercials are better than a lot of sitcoms I get offered. It's hard work, and I'm paid a lot of money, and I do it because I love the soda.
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I like that in my audiences, there's a lesbian couple sitting next to a Mormon family.
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The Pearly Gates. Am I the only one who finds it odd that Heaven has gates? What kind of neighborhood is Heaven in?
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I'm bald, blind and pale. I'm like a gigantic recessive gene.
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My new years resolution? I will be less laz.
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That's not to say that I'm a well-informed Catholic. I'm still in idiot.
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I feel guilty if I'm not reading books, but I read scripts of movies or things that I know I'm committed to that I'm going to do the project. I tell myself, I'm going to read this script like six times, and I only read it the initial time.
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After you eat a Hot Pocket, Everything will taste like rubber for a month!
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I'm definitely hesitant wearing shorts during the summer. Like for a pale person, you know, summer - everyone in the world is so excited for summer, but pale people, we're just like, oh no.
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Weight Watchers says nothing tastes better than thin feels. I can think of a thousand things that taste better than thin feels.
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Imagine you're drowning, and someone hands you a baby.
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I think I have a lot of voices in my head and I guess my inner critic is a female.
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Why would a lazy guy become a parent of five? Then again, why would creative people who inherently don't like change and criticism become writers, actors, or comedians? There's something about this process. I joke about it: My kids have made me a better person, and I only need, like, 34 more of them to be a really good guy.
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Whenever one of my children says, 'Goodnight, Daddy,' I always think to myself, 'You don't mean that.
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Holidays are also an opportunity for kids to unlearn every good habit they've learned during the rest of the year. They don't go to school. They get to stay up past their bedtime. They get candy and presents for doing nothing. Childhood utopia.
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I spend way too much time on Facebook and MySpace to feel too uncomfortable at this. I like to think of the Internet as an effective way to waste time and time.
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Boutique hotels are great, but they get too cute. Some hotels have shoe polish. It's like, come on, this isn't 1960. No one's polishing their shoes.
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