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I think I have a lot of voices in my head and I guess my inner critic is a female.

Jim Gaffigan

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Jim Gaffigan
Age: 58
Born: 1966
Born: July 7
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Elgin
Illinois
James Christopher Gaffigan
Female
Head
Voice
Think
Critic
Thinking
Voices
Critics
Inner
Guess

More quotes by Jim Gaffigan

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I only dated one Asian girl, but she was very Asian. She was a panda.
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Even when you hear about a comedian getting married, among comedians, we're always kind of like, what are they doing?
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I'm definitely hesitant wearing shorts during the summer. Like for a pale person, you know, summer - everyone in the world is so excited for summer, but pale people, we're just like, oh no.
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Whenever you go out to eat you gotta get the appetizer. 'Cause the appetizer's just an excuse for an extra meal. You're always like Lets see, I will start with the 80 buffalo wings...and do you have a low-cal blue cheese? 'Cause I don't wanna fill up too much.
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Sometimes being lazy can get you in trouble. You ever not take a shower all weekend, just lounge around, then you're running late for work on Monday? There's always one person at work: Something smells like smoke in here! Uh, I went to a barbeque on Friday night. Only had 48 hours to take a shower. Busy.
Jim Gaffigan
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A lot of the teachings really kind of keep me grounded.
Jim Gaffigan
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My childhood best friend is an anesthesiologist. It's the least amount of human interaction for a doctor. I don't think you can get that burned out on it.
Jim Gaffigan
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Stand-up comedy in the end, unlike the rest of the entertainment industry, is a meritocracy. There's a certain level of undeniability you can work toward.
Jim Gaffigan
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I think it's important to control your opportunities, because in the entertainment world, it's not up to you. I'm not sitting here under this naïve belief that someone in Hollywood is going, Gaffigan! What kind of a show can I build around him? So you have to find things that can showcase your point of view.
Jim Gaffigan
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For me, stand-up comedy is a conversation between me and the audience. I have to keep them listening. When I'm making jokes about cake for twenty minutes, I have to make sure my audience is interested and following where I'm going.
Jim Gaffigan
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Thanksgiving, you know - Thanksgiving - it's like we didn't even try to come up with a tradition. The tradition is we overeat.
Jim Gaffigan
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I'm a comedian, which is the opposite of a lifestyle that equips you to be a parent.
Jim Gaffigan
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Bacon's the best, even the frying of bacon sounds like an applause.
Jim Gaffigan
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You can never find the right bowling ball. This one's too heavy. This one's good but its pink!
Jim Gaffigan
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I curse in everyday life, but usually when I stub my toe. The topics I'm discussing, it's not necessary to curse. I found [cursing] is a sign that a joke is not finished or well-written.
Jim Gaffigan
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They always give you three ketchup packets. When you go back up and ask for more, the guy handing them out always treats you like you're taking from his personal stash. Looks like my kids aren't having ketchup tonight.
Jim Gaffigan
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I think growing up in Indiana prepares anyone for a life in comedy. I do feel like there is a certain kind of self-effacing cynicism among all Hoosiers.
Jim Gaffigan
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It's amazing how email has changed our lives. You ever get a handwritten letter in the mail today? 'What the? Has someone been kidnapped?'
Jim Gaffigan
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I really don't care about birthdays. It's something where even as a kid, I never really felt comfortable when someone would sing to me.
Jim Gaffigan
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Imagine you're drowning, and someone hands you a baby.
Jim Gaffigan