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I worked on USA Today as a topic for while. I tried to do something on hand chairs, chairs that look like hands. I really tried. But some topics are not truly universal.

Jim Gaffigan

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Jim Gaffigan
Age: 58
Born: 1966
Born: July 7
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Elgin
Illinois
James Christopher Gaffigan
Like
Truly
Hand
Topic
Hands
Usa
Today
Topics
Look
Chairs
Looks
Worked
Something
Tried
Really
Universal

More quotes by Jim Gaffigan

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I curse in everyday life, but usually when I stub my toe. The topics I'm discussing, it's not necessary to curse. I found [cursing] is a sign that a joke is not finished or well-written.
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Now that I'm married and have two beautiful children, it really makes me appreciate... being alone.
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You could say that to the pope. I want to talk to you about Jesus. He'd be like, easy, freak.
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I always imagine that if I met Dr. Seuss, he would be very similar to Crispin Glover.
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Don't take this the wrong way but I care more and I'm a better online friend than you. I also spend way to much time online.
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One of the benefits of eating salad is that you can eat tons of it and never be satisfied.
Jim Gaffigan
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I told my son, who's 11, Look, I don't care if you curse - it's other people that care. So we tried that experiment, and he just cursed all the time. And I was like, All right, now I care that you curse. You try to have this idealized view, and it's like, I don't care. But it's just going to cause chaos.
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I was watching the Animal Planet. Did you know that the male seahorse has the baby? Why don't they just call that one the female?
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Kale is a superfood and it’s special power is tasting bad.
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My children have made me a better man, which is - in the end, that's probably more important than two more comedy specials or being in better shape.
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My goal in life is to be as happy as a studio audience.
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Oh. What if we eat a lot with people that annoy the hell out of us?
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It's like in most parts of America, where there was industry and there is no longer there is cynicism mixed with sarcasm and some optimism. That's how my background influenced my comedy.
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The appetizer is just an excuse for an extra meal. Let's see, I will start with the eighty buffalo wings.
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I smoke crack. I get all my dancers together and we do a prayer.
Jim Gaffigan
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Whenever you correct someone's grammar just remember that nobody likes you.
Jim Gaffigan
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Television's very much a writer's medium, as it probably should be, but if you're not the writer, then as the performer, you defer to that. It's just kind of how it's constructed. Is there some leeway? Yeah. But I also don't want to come across as a jerk.
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People need to write articles and they need to have angles in them and I'm grateful when people are doing articles, but I always say there's not a great mystery to stand-up comedy.
Jim Gaffigan
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Why would a lazy guy become a parent of five? Then again, why would creative people who inherently don't like change and criticism become writers, actors, or comedians? There's something about this process. I joke about it: My kids have made me a better person, and I only need, like, 34 more of them to be a really good guy.
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I really don't care about birthdays. It's something where even as a kid, I never really felt comfortable when someone would sing to me.
Jim Gaffigan