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I'm a comedian, which is the opposite of a lifestyle that equips you to be a parent.

Jim Gaffigan

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Jim Gaffigan
Age: 58
Born: 1966
Born: July 7
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Elgin
Illinois
James Christopher Gaffigan
Equips
Comedian
Lifestyle
Opposite
Opposites
Parent

More quotes by Jim Gaffigan

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The question is the primary form of communication for little kids.
Jim Gaffigan
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Do you ever leave a message for somebody and the answering machine cuts you off, and you have to decide whether you should not call back, or call back and appear like a stalker? Hi. It's me again. I forgot to tell you that I'm going to kill you. Because I'm the freak who keeps calling and calling.
Jim Gaffigan
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Whenever I'm out of town for at least a week, I feel like I should write a postcard or something, but you can be a genius, you try and write a postcard you come across like a moron anyway: 'This city's got big buildings. I like food. Bye.'
Jim Gaffigan
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I love writing stand-up so much and tinkering and looking for ideas.
Jim Gaffigan
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Whenever you correct someone's grammar just remember that nobody likes you.
Jim Gaffigan
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I'd really like to promote my increasing consumption of bacon.
Jim Gaffigan
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I'd have to say Sunset Salsa. Nothing against Honey Lime, but it's for losers.
Jim Gaffigan
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I do want everyone to feel comfortable. That's why I'd like to talk to you about Jesus.
Jim Gaffigan
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That's not to say that I'm a well-informed Catholic. I'm still in idiot.
Jim Gaffigan
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This city has so many beautiful women. I fall in love like every ten minutes, I'm sitting on the subway, I'm like, There's my wife... there she is - oh, she's getting off. All right, there's the woman - all right, that's a man.
Jim Gaffigan
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My faith kind of keeps me in touch with the idea that I'm not in control of things.
Jim Gaffigan
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My childhood best friend is an anesthesiologist. It's the least amount of human interaction for a doctor. I don't think you can get that burned out on it.
Jim Gaffigan
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Every now and then I'll read a book, I'll be so proud of myself, I'll try and squeeze it into conversation. People will be like, Hey Jim, how ya do- I read a book! Two hundred and fifty pages! That's great, what was it about? No idea! Took me three years!
Jim Gaffigan
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I wouldn't say that comedy brought me away from it.I think that my idea of faith was another obligation in my life.
Jim Gaffigan
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Playing frisbee with a five year old is amazingly similar to chasing after a frisbee.
Jim Gaffigan
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Bacon bits are like the fairy dust of the food community.
Jim Gaffigan
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When our bed is made, it's covered in 40 pillows-like we're stockpiling ammo for the global pillow fight.
Jim Gaffigan
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Bacon is like the opposite of medicine. It's like, Take that, Lipitor.
Jim Gaffigan
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Smiling babies should actually be categorized by the pharmaceutical industry as a powerful antidepressant.
Jim Gaffigan
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The real question is should we trust people who don't like cheese?
Jim Gaffigan