Quote

I'm a comedian, which is the opposite of a lifestyle that equips you to be a parent.

Jim Gaffigan

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Jim Gaffigan
Age: 58
Born: 1966
Born: July 7
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Elgin
Illinois
James Christopher Gaffigan
Opposites
Parent
Equips
Comedian
Lifestyle
Opposite

More quotes by Jim Gaffigan

Image
If I was on an airplane, the people in coach would know who I am. But no one in first class would know.
Jim Gaffigan
Image
Don't get caught up in other people's expectations. Don't take anything for granted, either.
Jim Gaffigan
Image
Babies, they learn how to walk and they are already trying to run away. You can't reach the doorknob, you only know us, think it through.
Jim Gaffigan
Image
I spend way too much time on Facebook and MySpace to feel too uncomfortable at this. I like to think of the Internet as an effective way to waste time and time.
Jim Gaffigan
Image
I was raised in a family where my father was the first one to go to college.
Jim Gaffigan
Image
Deep frying a Twinkie makes it healthy, right?
Jim Gaffigan
Image
Some people have their own bowling ball and their own bowling shoes... and no friends.
Jim Gaffigan
Image
Why do you have to be out of town to write a postcard? I want a to write a postcard to my neighbor: I still live near you! The guy sees me go into my apartment, flips the card over, it's just a picture of me holding a rifle.
Jim Gaffigan
Image
Weight Watchers says nothing tastes better than thin feels. I can think of a thousand things that taste better than thin feels.
Jim Gaffigan
Image
Well my chocolate is so good I could sell it in an obnoxious prism shape.
Jim Gaffigan
Image
I don't know what's more exhausting about parenting: the getting up early, or acting like you know what you're doing.
Jim Gaffigan
Image
I told my son, who's 11, Look, I don't care if you curse - it's other people that care. So we tried that experiment, and he just cursed all the time. And I was like, All right, now I care that you curse. You try to have this idealized view, and it's like, I don't care. But it's just going to cause chaos.
Jim Gaffigan
Image
The idea of being a practicing Catholic, it's - for me, it's like - I need a lot of practice, you know what I mean?
Jim Gaffigan
Image
Do you ever leave a message for somebody and the answering machine cuts you off, and you have to decide whether you should not call back, or call back and appear like a stalker? Hi. It's me again. I forgot to tell you that I'm going to kill you. Because I'm the freak who keeps calling and calling.
Jim Gaffigan
Image
In stand up, you get an awareness of how you come across, but in acting there is almost a hyper-awareness on how you might be physically perceived.
Jim Gaffigan
Image
I would say some of the food I talk about that I really enjoy, like cake and bacon, I eat a lot less than I portray in my act. But that stuff that I dislike, it's pretty sincere.
Jim Gaffigan
Image
I'd have to say Sunset Salsa. Nothing against Honey Lime, but it's for losers.
Jim Gaffigan
Image
I saw this college team bowling championship. Each team had their own coach. What kind of strategy advice is a bowling coach giving? You know what? This time Timmy, I want you to knock down all the pins. You sure? Trust me. Just do it son!
Jim Gaffigan
Image
You can never find the right bowling ball. This one's too heavy. This one's good but its pink!
Jim Gaffigan
Image
Playing frisbee with a five year old is amazingly similar to chasing after a frisbee.
Jim Gaffigan