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One of the benefits of eating salad is that you can eat tons of it and never be satisfied.

Jim Gaffigan

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Jim Gaffigan
Age: 58
Born: 1966
Born: July 7
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Elgin
Illinois
James Christopher Gaffigan
Benefits
Eating
Never
Tons
Salad
Satisfied

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What exactly are the ingredients of Ranch dressing? Mayo and disappointment?
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Thanksgiving is the most complicated meal you can think of. Every night, dinner is just pasta. It's just different shapes of pasta.
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It's weird, I love acting and stand-up is a very unique, solitary thing where you are the writer, performer and director. But acting is incredibly rewarding, working and interacting with people to create funny moments. I can't imagine not doing acting or stand-up, I really enjoy both of them that much.
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I'd really like to promote my increasing consumption of bacon.
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There is the vegetarian Hot Pocket for those of us who don't want to eat meat, but would still like diarrhea.
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I don't want to get involved in the culture war. Religion's iffy.
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I always want my standup act to appeal to everybody in the room, and when I started standup, and I would see people talk about their kids and their wife, and I'd always cringe a little bit, like, 'I can't get a date, I don't know what you're talking about.'
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Stand-up comedy in the end, unlike the rest of the entertainment industry, is a meritocracy. There's a certain level of undeniability you can work toward.
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Kale is a superfood and it’s special power is tasting bad.
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I love sleep. I need sleep. We all do, of course. There are those people that don't need sleep. I think they're called 'successful.
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Smiling babies should actually be categorized by the pharmaceutical industry as a powerful antidepressant.
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I really don't care about birthdays. It's something where even as a kid, I never really felt comfortable when someone would sing to me.
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My childhood best friend is an anesthesiologist. It's the least amount of human interaction for a doctor. I don't think you can get that burned out on it.
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It's amazing how email has changed our lives. You ever get a handwritten letter in the mail today? 'What the? Has someone been kidnapped?'
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That's my private business. Besides, the perception is that people that believe in God are stupid.
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I got up early because I wanted to. - Nobody
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If only opening a Vitamin Water could be classified as working out.
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The entertainment business is such a strange, crazy perception business that you're either given way too much respect, like people saying, You should be the head of the sitcom! Or you're given no respect, where they're like, You should audition to be the garbage man that lives four houses down.
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I'm kind of like a guy who's missing a little bit of the guy gene. Like, I love steak, but the notion of golfing is the last thing I would want to do. I love women, but I'm also a mama's boy, and some of my best friends are women. So I'm kinda half guy's guy.
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I come from a very big family. Nine parents.
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