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One of the benefits of eating salad is that you can eat tons of it and never be satisfied.
Jim Gaffigan
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Jim Gaffigan
Age: 58
Born: 1966
Born: July 7
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Elgin
Illinois
James Christopher Gaffigan
Satisfied
Benefits
Eating
Never
Tons
Salad
More quotes by Jim Gaffigan
I come from a very big family. Nine parents.
Jim Gaffigan
I didn't realize how much of a Hoosier or a Midwesterner I was until I moved to New York. It's weird - growing up in Indiana, I wanted to get out, and now I completely romanticize Indiana. It just seems like there's a greater focus on family back there, which I suppose is something that kind of stayed with me.
Jim Gaffigan
What exactly are the ingredients of Ranch dressing? Mayo and disappointment?
Jim Gaffigan
I've always been somebody that it takes me longer to learn things, but once I learn them... I'm like a quarterback that plays best in the fourth quarter.
Jim Gaffigan
I believe that comedians do what they do, and then they get credit or criticism for doing it. There's nothing planned about this.
Jim Gaffigan
They always give you three ketchup packets. When you go back up and ask for more, the guy handing them out always treats you like you're taking from his personal stash. Looks like my kids aren't having ketchup tonight.
Jim Gaffigan
Thanksgiving. It's like we didn't even try to come up with a tradition. The tradition is, we overeat. 'Hey, how about at Thanksgiving we just eat a lot?' 'But we do that every day!' 'Oh. What if we eat a lot with people that annoy the hell out of us?'
Jim Gaffigan
You can never find the right bowling ball. This one's too heavy. This one's good but its pink!
Jim Gaffigan
There's something about being a parent that has, I think, made me a better comedian.
Jim Gaffigan
I like to think of bread as really bland cake.
Jim Gaffigan
I always seem to be chosen to do very flattering things like the beard comb over or go to the bathroom with the door open on Sex and the City or be the guy people meow at in Super Troopers. It's great for self esteem.
Jim Gaffigan
I spend way too much time on Facebook and MySpace to feel too uncomfortable at this. I like to think of the Internet as an effective way to waste time and time.
Jim Gaffigan
I spent most of my adult life essentially agnostic or an atheist.
Jim Gaffigan
Lean Pockets, I don't even wanna know what's in those. I wonder what the directions are on a box of Lean Pockets: 'Remove from box, place directly in toilet.' Flush Pocket!
Jim Gaffigan
I don't know if I'm the husky guy, but I'm the sexy guy who's a good kisser .
Jim Gaffigan
Comedians kind of write what comes to them. You can give yourself little assignments, but it's what inspires you.
Jim Gaffigan
I think growing up in Indiana prepares anyone for a life in comedy. I do feel like there is a certain kind of self-effacing cynicism among all Hoosiers.
Jim Gaffigan
I smoke crack. I get all my dancers together and we do a prayer.
Jim Gaffigan
I do want everyone to feel comfortable. That's why I'd like to talk to you about Jesus.
Jim Gaffigan
Whenever you go out to eat you gotta get the appetizer. 'Cause the appetizer's just an excuse for an extra meal. You're always like Lets see, I will start with the 80 buffalo wings...and do you have a low-cal blue cheese? 'Cause I don't wanna fill up too much.
Jim Gaffigan
