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When you hear bacon cooking....that sizzling sound isn't the fat cooking....that's applause.

Jim Gaffigan

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Jim Gaffigan
Age: 58
Born: 1966
Born: July 7
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Elgin
Illinois
James Christopher Gaffigan
Bacon
Applause
Fats
Cooking
Hear
Sound
Sizzling

More quotes by Jim Gaffigan

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I like that in my audiences, there's a lesbian couple sitting next to a Mormon family.
Jim Gaffigan
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It's so obvious The Weather Channel is pro hurricane. Fair and balanced my ass.
Jim Gaffigan
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But in Indiana it's not like New York where everyone's like, 'We're from New York and we're the best' or 'We're from Texas and we like things big' it's more like 'We're from Indiana and we're gonna move.
Jim Gaffigan
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Do you ever leave a message for somebody and the answering machine cuts you off, and you have to decide whether you should not call back, or call back and appear like a stalker? Hi. It's me again. I forgot to tell you that I'm going to kill you. Because I'm the freak who keeps calling and calling.
Jim Gaffigan
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I just want to be known as funny.
Jim Gaffigan
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There's something about being a parent that has, I think, made me a better comedian.
Jim Gaffigan
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“Really, there are two types of people who go bowling. There are people who really, really love bowling. Then there are the people that are like: wouldn’t it be hysterical if we went bowling?”
Jim Gaffigan
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I would say that now I'm somebody who goes to church.
Jim Gaffigan
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I do just want to do jokes. I don't want to be a divisive figure.
Jim Gaffigan
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I had some jokes that were dirty. And some of it is when I started making appearances on Conan and Letterman back in the late '90s, I think. You had to remove the curse words, or you couldn't do some of the more explicit jokes.
Jim Gaffigan
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Meredith Baxter Birney gets beaten by a rod, in the Lifetime Original, Rod.
Jim Gaffigan
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It's weird, I love acting and stand-up is a very unique, solitary thing where you are the writer, performer and director. But acting is incredibly rewarding, working and interacting with people to create funny moments. I can't imagine not doing acting or stand-up, I really enjoy both of them that much.
Jim Gaffigan
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I don't know what's more exhausting about parenting: the getting up early, or acting like you know what you're doing.
Jim Gaffigan
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One of the benefits of eating salad is that you can eat tons of it and never be satisfied.
Jim Gaffigan
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Comedians kind of write what comes to them. You can give yourself little assignments, but it's what inspires you.
Jim Gaffigan
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Thanksgiving, you know - Thanksgiving - it's like we didn't even try to come up with a tradition. The tradition is we overeat.
Jim Gaffigan
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I don't want to get involved in the culture war. Religion's iffy.
Jim Gaffigan
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Bacon bits are like the fairy dust of the food community.
Jim Gaffigan
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My wife always asks me why I don't make the bed. And I respond with the same reason why I don't tie my shoes after I take them off.
Jim Gaffigan
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I don't want people to think I believe in God.
Jim Gaffigan