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“Really, there are two types of people who go bowling. There are people who really, really love bowling. Then there are the people that are like: wouldn’t it be hysterical if we went bowling?”

Jim Gaffigan

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Jim Gaffigan
Age: 58
Born: 1966
Born: July 7
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Elgin
Illinois
James Christopher Gaffigan
Wouldn
Type
Went
Two
Really
Love
Bowling
Like
Hysterical
People
Types

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Raising kids may be a thankless job with ridiculous hours, but at least the pay sucks.
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There are a lot of good looking men on this planet. It seems like once a week someone will tell me, I know someone who looks like you and I don't know what say to them except, Tell them hi.
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Thanksgiving. It's like we didn't even try to come up with a tradition. The tradition is, we overeat. 'Hey, how about at Thanksgiving we just eat a lot?' 'But we do that every day!' 'Oh. What if we eat a lot with people that annoy the hell out of us?'
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I guess the reasons against having more children always seem uninspiring and superficial. What exactly am I missing out on? Money? A few more hours of sleep? A more peaceful meal? More hair? These are nothing compared to what I get from these five monsters who rule my life.
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I would make sweet love to Don Rickles.
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Faith is something that's - it's hard to articulate. It's - there's - it's not based on logic.
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I would say that now I'm somebody who goes to church.
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I don't know if I'm the husky guy, but I'm the sexy guy who's a good kisser .
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Bacon's the best, even the frying of bacon sounds like an applause.
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I was always told that Hoosier came from when settlers in the state, when a stranger came on their property they'd say, Who's there? Who's there? So people that were from Indiana were the people that said Who's there? But what do I know? I don't read or interact with people outside the Internet.
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Even when you hear about a comedian getting married, among comedians, we're always kind of like, what are they doing?
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Nursery schools and bars at 2 a.m. are the only places where it is completely normal if someone just spontaneously throws up on the floor...and just like a toddler, the bar patron wakes up the next day not remembering or caring how they behaved.
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You can never find the right bowling ball. This one's too heavy. This one's good but its pink!
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I am a guy who talks about bacon and escalators. Stand-up comedy is very much a conversation. It's very personal, stylistically.
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Holidays are also an opportunity for kids to unlearn every good habit they've learned during the rest of the year. They don't go to school. They get to stay up past their bedtime. They get candy and presents for doing nothing. Childhood utopia.
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My new years resolution? I will be less laz.
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I always imagine that if I met Dr. Seuss, he would be very similar to Crispin Glover.
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I don't know what's more exhausting about parenting: the getting up early, or acting like you know what you're doing.
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I wouldn't say that comedy brought me away from it.I think that my idea of faith was another obligation in my life.
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I think I grew up with the idea that God was a punishing being, constructed around rules.
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