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Anyone know if the shuttles to Hell will have Wifi? Asking for a friend.

Jim Gaffigan

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Jim Gaffigan
Age: 58
Born: 1966
Born: July 7
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Elgin
Illinois
James Christopher Gaffigan
Asking
Friend
Hell
Anyone
Shuttles

More quotes by Jim Gaffigan

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The hardest part of the day is all the stuff after I open my eyes in the morning.
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It's weird, I love acting and stand-up is a very unique, solitary thing where you are the writer, performer and director. But acting is incredibly rewarding, working and interacting with people to create funny moments. I can't imagine not doing acting or stand-up, I really enjoy both of them that much.
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I don't want to be a TV star for the sake of being on TV. I want to have a TV show that's based around my comedy.
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You ever buy a book and not read it? You feel almost guilty having it up on a bookshelf. People are like, Hey, how's that book? I haven't read it. Oh, did you just buy it? I've had it since high school. Well, can I borrow it? No.
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I spend way too much time on Facebook and MySpace to feel too uncomfortable at this. I like to think of the Internet as an effective way to waste time and time.
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Babies should be classified as an antidepressant. It's pretty hard to be in a bad mood around a 5-month-old baby.
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Some of my fear and anxieties surrounding faith, I think, provides some good comedy for my act.
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The entertainment business is such a strange, crazy perception business that you're either given way too much respect, like people saying, You should be the head of the sitcom! Or you're given no respect, where they're like, You should audition to be the garbage man that lives four houses down.
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I only dated one Asian girl, but she was very Asian. She was a panda.
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Don't take this the wrong way but I care more and I'm a better online friend than you. I also spend way to much time online.
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“Really, there are two types of people who go bowling. There are people who really, really love bowling. Then there are the people that are like: wouldn’t it be hysterical if we went bowling?”
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I don't want people to think I believe in God.
Jim Gaffigan
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The real question is should we trust people who don't like cheese?
Jim Gaffigan
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How about those people who don't need sleep? What are they called again? Successful? What a bunch of dicks they are.
Jim Gaffigan
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Kale is a superfood and it’s special power is tasting bad.
Jim Gaffigan
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How'd we come up with the robe? Was some guy just like, 'Hey, I've got an idea! Why don't we make a coat out of a towel? You can have a little belt that goes around. You could dunk the belt in the toilet! Have a toilet belt.'
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Television's very much a writer's medium, as it probably should be, but if you're not the writer, then as the performer, you defer to that. It's just kind of how it's constructed. Is there some leeway? Yeah. But I also don't want to come across as a jerk.
Jim Gaffigan
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The question is the primary form of communication for little kids.
Jim Gaffigan
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I'm a guy who comes from a small town in the Midwest. It's not in my nature to say the most explicit things in public.
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You know, I want to teach, but I don’t want to read?
Jim Gaffigan