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Anyone know if the shuttles to Hell will have Wifi? Asking for a friend.
Jim Gaffigan
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Jim Gaffigan
Age: 58
Born: 1966
Born: July 7
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Elgin
Illinois
James Christopher Gaffigan
Anyone
Shuttles
Asking
Friend
Hell
More quotes by Jim Gaffigan
Don't you expect a rainbow coming out of the tub of bacon strips at the end of the buffet line?
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The only advantage to wearing glasses is that you can do that dramatic removal.
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Imagine you're drowning, and someone hands you a baby.
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Besides hot pockets keeps introducing new products every 10 minutes so I always have new stuff on the topic.
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The real question is should we trust people who don't like cheese?
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I only dated one Asian girl, but she was very Asian. She was a panda.
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My children have made me a better man, which is - in the end, that's probably more important than two more comedy specials or being in better shape.
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Boutique hotels are great, but they get too cute. Some hotels have shoe polish. It's like, come on, this isn't 1960. No one's polishing their shoes.
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What exactly are the ingredients of Ranch dressing? Mayo and disappointment?
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We wrote about having five kids and bringing them to church. A journalist at The Washington Post wrote this article where the headline was The New Catholic Evangelism Of Jim Gaffigan. And it was a bit terrifying.
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I come from a very big family. Nine parents.
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I think comedians get too much credit or too much criticism for the style of comedy they do, and they generally do the style of comedy that works for them. [...] There's no kind of shrewd calculation going into the type of standup we all do. It's like David Cross is supposed to be doing the David Cross' type of standup.
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It's kind of hard to articulate, but, like, this notion of mercy, forgiveness, was very appealing for me. It was very profound. And it had a deep impact, and I think it still does.
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Thanksgiving is the most complicated meal you can think of. Every night, dinner is just pasta. It's just different shapes of pasta.
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I got up early because I wanted to. - Nobody
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I'm not saying that McDonald's gift certificates caused the obesity epidemic, but in retrospect, the timing is kind of suspicious.
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There should be a children's song: 'If you're happy and you know it, keep it to yourself and let your dad sleep'.
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There has been this belief among the Catholic community - and this - I'm no expert, this is my opinion - that cafeteria Catholics are wrong.
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I spent most of my adult life essentially agnostic or an atheist.
Jim Gaffigan
Don't you think it's strange how many referees work at Footlocker?
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